Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Happy Hoochieween

The New York subway is a peculiar place to find oneself at midnight on Halloween. Particularly if you're in going-to-work-mode. I walked through the underground tunnel tonight on the PATH from the abhorred L train toward Seventh Avenue. Like professional lighting on the set of a horror flick, the fluorescents embedded in the ceiling bounced crazily off the tiled walls and cast an erie pall on the commuting creatures that loped underground. The yellow lighting jaundiced their skin, creating hollows befitting your standard ghouls on the go.

Devils, skeletons and zombies with blood red grins floated by me as the Asian man plucked a spooky soundtrack to this strange scene on an unfamiliar stringed instrument. And then there were the women. What is it about Halloween that brings out every woman's inner whore? If she's a witch, she's a slutty witch..A nurse, a naughty nurse..A school girl morphs into a dirty, Catholic minx.. A cat, a sexy kitten. Even more disturbing.. the sluttifying of the beloved fictional character.
"I spotted a tarted up Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz! And a callgirl cowgirl!" shouts Dave, my manager. "Even I think that's just wrong... And I like a nice rack as much as the next guy."
"Your right. What must the children think?" I ponder.
"It IS their holiday that we're bastardizing" he muses.

I admit to utilizing the holiday 'O' horrors as a means to bare my bosom and I wonder why that is.. Do we feel restricted during our daily lives, reveling in any excuse to let it all hang out without fear of being labeled? Is it simply a sign of the times in a post Britney/Christina society?

I took in the painted faces of my fellow commuters and nodded as a dapper gentleman wearing a red and white pinstriped suit and sporting a feathered fedora strolled onto the train and claimed the seat next to me. He smiled, revealing a gold front tooth.
"A pimp, huh?" I asked conversationally.
"Whatdya mean?"
Oops. Not a costume.

Reader Comments (8)

like they said in Mean Girls, Halloween is the perfect excuse for girls to dress slutty and get away with it.
November 1, 2005 | Unregistered Commentersubgirl
Subgirl just stole what I was going to say...tis true. Disturbing, but true.
November 1, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterHeather B.
I take issue with your use of poetic license.

So in my defense:
*In my lifetime, I have never uttered the phrase "nice rack." Thought it, sure. Millions of times, but never said it out loud.

*I've never "mused."

*I've never worried about bastardizing children.

*There are certain "Dorothy" issues girls just don't understand.

*I said they were "slutty" cowgirls, not "callgirl cowgirls." Let's not demean such hard-working, goal-oriented career women. And come to think of it, "Slutty Callgirl." Now THAT'S a costume.

November 1, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterDave
I don't do Halloween properly in the UK. There are no slutty witches riding the London underground, just hooded teenage thugs waiting to intimidate old people on their doorsteps!
November 2, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterDan
oops, I mean 'we' don't do Halloween, not just me...
November 2, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterDan
I used to celebrate Halloween as it was meant to be honored, Samhain, the Wiccan New Year...yes I was a Witch, (In many aspects of my life I still consider myself to be). I didn't dress all slutty or gorge on candy, not that I frown upon it either, but I think the true meaning, being that you dressed up to fool the evil spirits, be festive in celebration of the end of the harvest and drink merry ale with your loved ones that have passed, has mingled with the modern world in a way that the Old Crone would have never dreamed. Maybe, a long time ago, you were a slutty tribeswoman, with a large rack..and enjoyed showing it off.

I think what I'm trying to say is that Halloween, as we've come to know it, is the one night out of the year that we are most definately not ourselves, we subconsciencely celebrate the coming of winter and look forward to another year. We parade an alter ego to hide ourselves from those we don't want to be seen by while making sure we are seen. So if that means you represent yourself as Alice, in red fishnet stockings, well girl, go with your bad self.
November 2, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJulia
You may not muse my friend... but you were my muse this night..
November 2, 2005 | Registered CommenterMonica
I was a happy fairy for my last Halloween. I wore a fat tutu, blue tights, different colored legwarmers, boots, a fluffy ear headband and I carried an inflatable hammer that I won from some amusement park thing with happy faces all over it. I beat people with it when they deserved it. Holloween is my chance to escape from being sexy and act like a little girl.

I never thought about sexing up Halloween as "bastardizing" the holiday, that is interesting or funny, I'm not sure.

But I think it is a sign of the times, mostly.
June 9, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterdesiree

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