Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Funked Up

Have one foot mired in funk, the other is valiantly attempting to step outside, brave the chill November air and just get on with the business of getting on already. Am proud to say I left my Dorito den last night to watch what may have been The Worst Movie Ever with my friends Anna and Xmastime. It was tough to turn off the television and put on clean clothes.. After a few mistarts and a 30 minute lay down with a cool washcloth pressed to my forehead I finally managed to swing it.

Usually I will cut you if you talk during movies.. but thank god for Xmastime and Anna...Their running commentary was blessed relief from Hysterical Blindness starring Uma Thurman, Juliette Lewis and some other people I didn't recognize. I was hysterically blind by the end of the film. Thank god for the cold cuts Anna, in an odd fit of hostess extraordinaire, had set out. Although I admittedly suffered from a salami gut ache by movie's end. The salami was infinitely more interesting than Uma and Juliette's portrayal of two women from Jersey in the eighties in what felt like a Saturday Night Live sketch gone bad.

Funny when movies attain a modicum of notoriety for reasons not intended by the director, actors or anyone associated with the film. Example; 1989's stellar action flick Road House starring Patrick Swayze may be the most unintentionally funny movie of all time. As my friend Xmastime opined last night, even the writers are looking back at their failed attempts to make a drama in which a tough bouncer is hired to tame a dirty bar and saying 'yeah, that's some funny shit'. Missed this classic the first two thousand times it aired on TBS? Let me enlighten you. Pictures this: gritty movie guy voice over a series of fist fights, explosions, and car chases.. oh, and the obligatory sex scene: "Dalton's the best bouncer in the business. His nights are filled with fast action, hot music and beautiful women. It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it." Need I say more?

The spirited conversation once the credits finally rolled was miles better than the film. As is evidenced by Xmastime's Nuggets on Gayism. We also helped Anna dissect the meaning behind every nuance, gesture, phone call and lack thereof from her current boyfriend. That's always fun as I excel at dissecting people, their personalities and why they do the things they do. Anything to deflect from my own manic thoughts.

Am tired of being a Rock & Roll Widow. Want my husband to come home, if only to take a shift walking the always ansty Maxer and cook me dinner again. Have been writing a lot. Finished up a story called Lipstick Lesbian last night. Mom, you probably don't want to read that one.. trust me. Working on one called No Sex Before Marriage which chronicles my seventeenth year as a Mormon on the fastrack to fire & brimstone. Motorcyle Mama is nearly finished. This one's a glimpse at my Mom's strange love affair with riding motorcycles when I was a child. Finally there is The End of The Beginning which is a chapter about meeting The Surge, dating and marriage. Marriage. An odd social arrangement at best. Not that I don't enjoy sharing life, my bed, my thoughts, my Doritos, one time my toothbrush and my bodily fluids.. It's just that... Hmmm... What is it I'm trying to say here? Monica On Marriage.. I feel another blog coming on... See youse soon.

Reader Comments (4)

I liked that movie...grant it I didn't see the whole thing and I closed my eyes at some parts that made me embarresed for Uma...but I thought it was ok.
November 18, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJulia
when I saw that movie, I came in at the middle of it and so I watched the listings to find out when it was on again. I then watched it from the beginning. I also liked it. Didn't have a great ending but I have always liked Juliet and Uma (we're on a first name basis) and like watching them. Plus...Monica didn't you notice the Camaro? That was my, OUR camaro you speak so highly of."Bitchen camaro" yes indeedy, it certainly was. Not looking forward to your lipstick partyrama either, but you know I have to read it! Damn!
November 18, 2005 | Unregistered Commentermama
that movie is garBIDGE!

Like, oh, can you believe that guy turned out to be a dick? bahhhhhhhh..........

November 18, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterChuebe
I actually loved that movie. I gues because it made me so nostalgic for the 80's... (I'm a total child of the 80's... I was Madonna for Halloween not once, not twice, but THREE times!)
November 18, 2005 | Unregistered Commentervalleygirl71

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