Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
You can also find Monica's writing here:
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Rock & Roll Widow

Hi. My name is Monica and I'm a rock & roll widow. Everyone together now, HI MONICA! My husband (still feels weird to say that) isn't dead, although I've been known to wish death upon him or invite him to 'go to hell' a time or two... or three..(or four). Rock Widow simply means The Surge spends most of his life drinking, smoking, eating shit diner food and bonding with bandmates whilst rolling around the countryside. This is The Surge's job. Write songs, record them, sing them, lather, rinse, repeat.

During Tour Time, much of the business of being married is conducted by phone. This includes actual calls, and of course, when that's not convenient, texts. Take this evening for example.. We actually had a text fight. So much easier than the real thing. Particularly because, unfortunately for the neighbors, I'm what we like to call a "Yeller". No, not like the dog, although I do foam at the mouth and bark sometimes. But only when seriously provoked. By "Yeller" I mean that I yell. It's genetic. My mom's a Yeller. Her mom is a Yeller and her mom before her. It's like I'm keeping up traditions. Here's the way I prefer to think about my great, pioneering, Mormon heritage; Great Grandma was 100% insane. Grandma, she was about 75% off her rocker. Bare with me now, Mom is half & half, just like she takes her coffee. Me, although The Surge would argue it's more like 40% I'm going with a quarter crazy. Good news, I say! Wouldn't it follow that my daughter will be crazy-free! I'm just saying.

So.. a text fight. These are fantastic actually. I was able to eat Doritos and watch my Six Feet Under DVD (if you tell me what happens I will thump you) while occasionally texting dramatic pronouncements about the state of our marriage to The Surge. The down side? After the venom spewing is over and the love fest begins, we can't have make-up sex. Text sex just ain't the same.

Reader Comments (12)

I used to consistently have IM arguments with my ex. My co-workers were always puzzled at me staring at my computer screen and crying or logging off of IM and screaming some colorful description of him. It's the new technologically savvy way to have a relationship!
November 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterAlissa
Did you ever feel, before you two got married and you were still living in different states, like you, Monica, were leading two lives and didn't know which one was more real? Do you ever still feel like that? When I see my boyfriend after a couple of weeks apart, it takes a little while to sniff around like two dogs, meeting for the first time, and all the hellos-and-goodbyes are....exhausting.

I still love your blog and I'm happy that you're feeling better. When I'm depressed, some of the best get-out-of-my-head therapy involves pedicures and glossy magazines. And exercise (although, I know, I always hate it when other people tell me that last one).
November 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterSarah
text-fighting seems like it would leave so much room for ambiguity though if you shortened/abbreviated things!
November 7, 2005 | Unregistered Commentersubgirl
now drunk texting, that is far better than text fighting. i've been known to send some hilarious drunk texts. and don't even get me started on drunk dialing. proof positive that i should include last names in my address book. i once had a 10-minute converstaion with THE WRONG DAVE once. oooops.
November 7, 2005 | Unregistered Commenteranna
I am classic at e-mail arguments. Had a choice one the other day. I happened to not get my office door closed fast enough and when dear hubby was being sweet, the tears flowed. One of my employee's not too versed in English came in and in such broken sentences was so sweet. Makes you cry even harder when they are nice to you.

I too am a YELLER, I chose to use caps just to get the point across. I post a lot in caps, I yell a lot all over the place. I am loud and well, proud of it too. I would not yell if when I asked what I asked got done. I yell therefore to get action. I yell because he makes me YELL. Go figure.

From one yeller to another, keep yelling baby!
November 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterTawny
When your just a fan of a band/group, you only think how cool it is that they get to go on tour, etc., but you don't think about the people that they've 'left behind'. Needless to say, it must suck, especially that whole, no make up sex thing.
November 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterHeather B.
Hello Girl. I'm glad I found your blog. It's nice to read the work of an interesting journalist. I'll definaetly be back. Your story seems interesting.
November 7, 2005 | Unregistered Commenternosthegametoo
Hi Monica! Thanks for stopping by - I'm loving your site. I so totally know what you mean about text fighting. I am a HUGE yeller too, and unfortunately, so was my ex-boyfriend. That's why about 50% of our fights were conducted via text. So much less, um, loud that way!
November 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMarissa
have you ever broken up with someone via email? these are the worst. i dont recommend it to anyone.

so are you writing a chapter or a whole piece on the manhattan myth?
November 7, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterjoey kim
I have had several text fights! They are phenominal because it is easier to say whatever you want because they are not actually present.
November 7, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJessica
I can't tell you how much I enjoy hearing complaints from other "rock widows". Sometimes it feels like the other wives know something I don't because I get very frustrated with this whole "lifestyle". We are 35 now. He has never made any money at this. Will he ever? Is it worth it?
December 6, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie
I have to keep myself from thinking to hard about the monetary aspect or we'd never stay married. You only live once and I'd rather be who and where I am now then stuck with a giant mortgage while my husband spent all day in an office. I remind myself of that when I have the financial panic attacks.
December 6, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonica

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