Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
You can also find Monica's writing here:
« Christmas Criminals | Main | We're All In This Together »

Blow Me

I'm sorry, I simply must vent. Why is it socially acceptible to blow your nose in public? I can't think of anything more repulsive than spraying snot from your head IN FRONT OF PEOPLE!

In the same way you avail yourself of private facilities when you need to eliminate waste from the lower portion of your body, perhaps you might consider doing the same when involved in the revolting process of eliminating from your upper regions?

Need I inform you it's anything but pleasant to be sipping my soup/eating my bagel/just sitting here working out the meaning of life when you suddenly drain your head mere inches from my bowl and I'm forced to listen as all manner of slime burbles from your noggin? AND contemplate what exactly is now floating through the air between us, heading my way.

It's all I can take to restrain myself from leaping across the flimsy partition that divides us and strangling you so I need never hear the horrific honking again.

I would prefer that you pee into your coffee mug over blowing your nose. Seems cleaner, less disusting.. There, you just did it again. I want to cut you. I want to rub your snot rags all over your face and make you confront the mucous in the same way you are forcing me to make the acquaintance of your phlegm.

Reader Comments (17)

Can we add spitting to the list of revolting? A regular ol' saliva spit is unpleasant and should be swallowed when in public, but what's up with those folks who feel compelled to hack up a great gob of phlegm on the street. Not that I'm saying your nose blowers are any less disgusting, but at least they're depositing their snot into a snot rag of some sort (or at least I'm assuming that is the case). The spitters leave their gobs of phlegm all over the street for people to see and step in and on more than infrequent occassion I suspect those gobs land on people. Egads! I'm making myself sick here.
December 22, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterLaura
Nail on the head girlfriend. I will regularly be taking a leisurely stroll when I nearly step into a street spit surprise.. Am sorry, hope folks don't read this over lunch.. visions of snot rags dancing in heads and all...
December 22, 2005 | Registered CommenterMonica
I completely agree (and for the record, blow my nose in the bathroom at work). The other thing that I find completely disgusting is people who clip their nails in public. I'm not sure if it's just a "we live in San Francisco and therefore can do anything, anywhere" thing - but there's been more than one occasion lately where I've been on MUNI and some random idiot is clipping his/her fingernails. WHYYYYYYYYYYY?
December 22, 2005 | Unregistered Commentersandra
You are my people.. See #35 on the 'More About Me' section.
December 22, 2005 | Registered CommenterMonica

have experienced the s'not in the kleenex more than once. especially on the subway when you're locked in a tube of metal deep beneath the city. I admit that the 'clipping ones nails at the restaurant table while waiting for date' put me over the top. I actually asked her to stop. (okay I asked on my way out. chicken, am I)
December 22, 2005 | Unregistered Commentermoi
I'm so very confused. Have you folks never had a cold? If one's nose is flowing like the Nile while one is in a public place and cannot excuse oneself, what can one do other than blow? Snorting it back up into their heads would be far more disgusting in my book. A brief, emergency blow doesn't bother me. Now, people who decide to do a major Spring cleaning of their sinuses should excuse themselves to the restroom. And if you're talking about someone at work doing this, don't get me started. SICK PEOPLE SHOULD STAY HOME! This is a major pet peeve of mine.
December 22, 2005 | Unregistered Commenteramanda b
Agreed. Sick people should stay home. :-( I always get embarrased blowing my nose in front of people. Maybe that's just me? I'm still trying to figure out squarespace myself. For the pictures, just google some royalty free clip art. ;-)
December 22, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterLolaWants
I read this earlier and then went to lunch with co-workers and one of them blew his nose at the table. And I thought of you ;-)
December 22, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterHeather B.
Agreed. There is a lady here who blows her nose while talking to me, then she will ram her kleenex-covered finger up one nostril at a time and rotate them to ensure a complete cleaning. THEN she'll hand me paper.

Or worse, when she picks her scratches on her hand, makes them bleed, licks her finger and rubs the spit on her cut repeatedly, then handles paper and gives some to me.

December 22, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterphx
Bruce does this snot might not ever look at him the same way. He's on stage and apparently his nosrils become so pooled with snotty mucous that he must expel it immediately. He's running around the stage (more to the back) takes one hand, covers one nostril and blow furiously out the other.....sending his snot into the air and stage. *shudder*
December 22, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterTabatha
Gotta chime in again here to concur with Sandra about the nail clipping thing. I had never seen that in public until I moved to New York. I remember the first time I saw someone clipping on the subway and I was like WTF?! I have a coworker who clips at her desk at work and her desk happens to be near mine. I cringe every time I hear that clipping sound. What's next? Clipping toenails in public? Or perhaps that's already happening and I haven't been lucky enough to be witness to it yet.

Well, clearly this topic struck a chord.
December 22, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterLaura
Just wanted to drop you a line and let you know I enjoyed reading your writings. I'll buy your book!
December 23, 2005 | Unregistered Commenteriamspartacus
Ahh... ahhhh... aaahhhhhhhh


So, do you want that last slice of pizza?
December 23, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterWry Bri
Ew. Ew. Ew.

I remember I had a blow ou with my then-fiance. I was sobbing to my mom and sister, dabbing my nose so not to gross the world out. My mom said something about blowing my nose. I admitted I don't know how.

I really don't know how. It doesn't work for me. I dab in public, when it gets too much, I head to a private location or bathroom and do my pitiful version of blowing my nose.

I am thirty and have survived all these years without blowing my nose in public. Allerigies and all. the rest of these foul places who expel their brains onto tissues in restaurants and subways too can survive.

Ew. Ew. Ew.
December 23, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterDilly
Sooooooooo understand this... I never will get it - It is only under cover of my deep, dark bathroom that I will blow my nose - can't figure it out - never will...great post.
December 23, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterWendy

Today at my son's swim lesson this Chinese lady spent 20 minutes clipping her nails. We were sharing a little bench. I kept waiting for it to end. So gross. And she was flinging the clippings onto the floor in front of us. This was an indoor pool! THEN! She took her sneakers and socks off and did her toe nails!!! I still feel ill. It's okay to do that in China?

April 4, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSo grossed out

People who blow their noses at the table are just rude ignorant inconsiderate SOB's and I have told quite a few of them exactly that. Society today makes people just think that is rude and wish they had the courage to tell these jerks exactly what they are. I have seen quite a few people grin when I chastize some a--hole for trying to blow thier brains through their nostrils while other people within a 25 mile hearing radius of that wailing honker sounding off. I have been told well I have a sinus infection so as to make their ignorance acceptable. I understand a quick sneeze that takes you by suprise but when you have to inhale 200 cubic feet of air to get the compression to blast your fellow dinners that just does not fly. I will tell them when they give me that response either " wee what does thsat have to do with your manners" or Well I have dirreaha but you don't see me doing it at the table.

December 15, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterBobbyTroutman

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>