Tuesday
Dec062005
As Good As It Gets?
I'm having difficulty blogging lately... That's not to say life has been lacking in the excitment arena, be it the good kind or the bad... I just don't feel inclined to share.
The readership of this blog has exploded. Which inhibits me from revealing what's really going on. I started this blog for three reasons. Most importantly, to practice writing every day. Secondly, to organize my book, my thoughts and my feelings. Therapy online. Cheaper and not as invasive. Lastly, I wanted to connect with people, those friends I left behind in Utah and new acquaintances from New York and the internet. All of the above have come to fruition. And it's been fantastic. But now I am stuck. Unable to share my real feelings and the events in my life at the risk of offending those close to me. And some things just aren't for public consumption, which lately has left me nothing to blog about because those are the thoughts and feelings foremost in my mind.
So maybe this blog should be of the shallow variety. Funny anecdotes, occasionally forraying into marital discord and depression but nothing too deep, no real feelings of despair, desperation for fear of offending or coming off whiney... I AM an admitted habitual complainer.
I am at a crossroads. I want to be happy, content in my life and for various reasons I am finding that nearly impossible. My situation begs the question; do I change my circumstances in the hope of achieving happiness, or is that just an illusion, the Grass Is Always Greener Syndrome that most Americans suffer from? There is always the possibility that I am simply a weakling and need to tough shit out because this is as good as it gets. I don't know..
The readership of this blog has exploded. Which inhibits me from revealing what's really going on. I started this blog for three reasons. Most importantly, to practice writing every day. Secondly, to organize my book, my thoughts and my feelings. Therapy online. Cheaper and not as invasive. Lastly, I wanted to connect with people, those friends I left behind in Utah and new acquaintances from New York and the internet. All of the above have come to fruition. And it's been fantastic. But now I am stuck. Unable to share my real feelings and the events in my life at the risk of offending those close to me. And some things just aren't for public consumption, which lately has left me nothing to blog about because those are the thoughts and feelings foremost in my mind.
So maybe this blog should be of the shallow variety. Funny anecdotes, occasionally forraying into marital discord and depression but nothing too deep, no real feelings of despair, desperation for fear of offending or coming off whiney... I AM an admitted habitual complainer.
I am at a crossroads. I want to be happy, content in my life and for various reasons I am finding that nearly impossible. My situation begs the question; do I change my circumstances in the hope of achieving happiness, or is that just an illusion, the Grass Is Always Greener Syndrome that most Americans suffer from? There is always the possibility that I am simply a weakling and need to tough shit out because this is as good as it gets. I don't know..
Depression
Reader Comments (43)
Cheers!
Monica, I know exactly how you are feeling. Had the same issues a while back ago. I can understand wanting to write about something but you don't want to hurt the loved ones or ones around you. Do what you feel is necessary. I will read as well as others. I enjoy whatever you write. Always get a few good laughs of what you write. Feel I know what your talking about most of the time.
Do what you have to. But keep writing about anything you want. As you told me in an email keep writing! Whether it's about depression, whether I had to post under a different name or had to change names of others in whatever I wrote, just keep doing it. I will never tell ya not to write because you are a fantastic writer. You are you! Why would you want to be someone else anyways? Takes the fun out of that!
I'm reading and I don't see it as complaining nor do others. Got to get it out some how, somewhere. I am glad you share it with us.
Later,
CChild
if complaining is getting to you, here's a novel idea, DON'T READ IT. where do you get off telling anyone what to write?
And Bravo to you Monica!
Please don't stop!! As of late I haven't had time to comment alot cause I'm actually working at work and my foot is still laid up so when I get home I'm lounging, but I still read your stuff because frnakly I'm a the-girl-who addict.
Don't worry about what other people think, and if they have something shitty to say..f'm and thank the gods that your writing reveals emotion, becuase that is the shinning badge that means its good.
:) Julia
Ps I just saw this weird thing that says I am logged on as Fiabug.... does anyone know why?? Bueno tis I Julia just in case.
Do you know why it did that Fiabug??
but i hope you choose to stay and say. because your words, written and typed as they are , speak to me, and though i dont want to speak for them, im sure they speak to the others here.
So anyway, please ignore all of us "quiet" readers. We all think you're great, entertaining, interesting and can identify with you, otherwise we wouldn't be reading your blog. Even those of us in Austria would buy your book!
monica-- barely anyone reads my blog and i'm suffering the same feelings you describe. that's is why my posts have been so mind numbingly boring. i can't say what i really feel. sigh.
have you thought about have another, totally private blog that even the surge doesn't know about?
susan
Your stories are amusing and comforting and so very familiar. Your writing is helping my writing. Thanks for that.
Cheers from the road!
Kelly
Maybe keep a more private blog for those more personal thoughts? I don't know the answer...but I do know I enjoy your writing. As for your posts, I love the flat out honest and laugh out loud funny "Girl Who" chapters. I think they are brilliant!
Keep doing what makes you comfortable, and people will keep reading. Good luck - I know it's a hard, hard balance.
10) She’s on a raw food diet. Healthy, but when the blood sugar goes down, it turns really ugly.
9) Her boyfriend just dumped her for someone who has a life.
8) Her initials stand for AsshOle
7) Her writing sounds like something an ugly, constipated, spinster from Brighton would write in a letter to her beautiful and talented younger sister.
6) “But don't go around thinking that you're stephanie klein or something, because I hate to break it to you, but you're not.” Her grammar sucks.
5) She has nothing better to do than to count how many comments someone made on a piece of writing on a blog. I can give her the name of a great sex-toy shop where she can buy a vibrator. Might as well spend her day massaging her cunt instead of being one.
4) On that note, I think they also sell butt-plug removers. Maybe she forgot to take hers out?
3) I ran into her on the street the other day. Turns out no one wants to buy her collection of Kenny G tapes.
2) …or her t-shirts that say “I’m with stupid.” (The arrow points up)
1) “The girl who” is not Stephanie Klein? Thank God Annie pointed that out. She really shed some light for all of us idiots who are unable differentiate between the names “Stephanie” and “Thegirlwho.”
Fact of the matter is, I don’t know who Stephanie Klein is…don’t particularly care. All I know is Monica has one of the most interesting, insightful, and intelligent blogs on the internet…and with all of those qualities it does not surprise me in the slightest that someone like Annie-O does not appreciate it.
Cheers!
Annie maybe you should go find you some? Then maybe you wouldn't be such a bitter, jealous bitch. Ta-ta!
However, I do get a lot out of reading your blog. It's gritty and real and quite unlike most of the blogs I frequent. I'll keep visiting regardless, but just letting you know I enjoy what is currently on offer.
I'll be so disappointed Annie Onymous, if I find out you're cheating on me by trash typing on other sites.. I want you all to myself. I mean, I'm all for love fests, particularly when they're about me, but they can get rather dull.. Bring on the catty comments! It's so much more exciting to log in every day. Tell your friends! Let's get it started in here! Oh snap! This is exciting..
Oh yeah - SickSadWorld.. if it doesn't work out with The Surge we are sooo hooking up.. damn that's some good shit! Top 10 every day, Letterman style! Do it!
I know Barb and you wanted to do a partners but one on one can be entertaining!
Let the jello flow. LOL
Cheers!"
And you must be a bitter British douchebag who's longtime lover dumped you for a hot blond with big tits who fucks like a teenage gay man. Just a hunch is all. Cheerio.
(BTW, log in still working weird. This is Pink Lemonade Diva.)
I may well be a bitter British douchebag who's longtime lover dumped me for a hot blonde with big tits who fucks like a teenage gay man - er, thanks for that! But I ain't Annie...
x
Monica, write on...
And I'm not her friend...I'm her evil twin.
However, in all fairness, Lady Jane and I have since set up a correspondence, she's even posted on my blog before and I do believe I'd consider us friends... we have quite a bit in common. She's got moxy, that one.
Anyhoo.. it's fantasic to see so many folks I do and don't know taking up for me..
Better? (sigh)
Your mom likes me? Does that mean she'll have me back? MOM!!! I'M COMING HOME TO YOU!!!!!!!! Shit, I need someone to watch the little brat. Mom, I'm sorry, but I took after dad when it came to chest development. Don't hate me.
That said, Annie O very well could be a bitter British douchebag...
Or get a blog that is not linked to who you are, as another poster said. That might feel easier, and then you can always change to being public from anonymous when you feel up to it.
For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure I know who "Annie" is. And she's not a she. They also don't like strong women with opinions much.