Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Do I Suck At Blowing?

Why is a blow job called a blow job? Is there blowing involved? Should there be? If so, I am certain I've left a trail of chapfallen (yes it's a word.. found it today and it works so well, because all the ex-boyfriends are chaps.. like crestfallen but with boys!)boyfriends in my impetuous wake, commiserating over my terrible blowing skills.

I suck at blow jobs... Wait, that came out wrong... I don't suck AT blow jobs.. I mean to say, I suck DURING the blow job... I've sucked through lockjaw, I've sucked through ill-timed gag reflexes coiling into unfortunate action, I've even sucked through funky spunk. But blowing? Is there something I don't know about?

I industriously watched Phoebe Cates maneuver that carrot in FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH.. There was no blowing! Licking, yes, but no blowing. I studied Samantha from Sex And The City and neither heard or saw any mention of blowing... and if anybody would know, she would.

So what's the deal? Is The Surge missing out on the big blow? Do I suck at blowing?

Reader Comments (31)

I just printed out this post and held it up to the light. It says "I've got the Urge for the Surge." That being said, I'll opine...

Sucking is a Gen-orally Accepted Fellating Practice, as far as my experience has shown.

Isn't there some sort of Altoids connection with blowing... but that's more blowing on.. not blowing up! Word is that those "four out of five dentists" were planning to opine on blowing, but they couldn't spit the Trident out of their mouths long enough to do the world some REAL research.

January 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWry Bri
You blow at sucking?
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterjenny
Ahh...This made me chuckle. Personally, I hate them. I will give in, but I really don't like it. So I will say I suck at blow jobs! LOL Even though noone has said I have, but I believe I do.
January 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFiabug
Read The Art of Fellatio. Trust me. It's good. I've got my five rules of BJ's, but they aren't appropriate to post here. Email me if you really want to know!
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterVelvet
(Beer coming out my nose!) Pfffffffffff!


Dont you worry about a thing baby: I bought us a video at Hal's Adult Land by the truckstop in Birmingham today!!!!

Let the games begin!

January 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSurge
I think whoever coined the term must have had another technique. Samantha said it best, though. Whatever it is, they don't call it a job for nothing!
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterNotMiranda
I can take but I can't give...
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSuyin
I've always wondered this too! The only time I blow is maybe in the beginning after a few licks, but sucking is the major activity. Where DID the blow come from? Hmmm I'm headed to google except who knows where "origins of a blow job" will take me.
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterA Fan
That was actually fun! If you google origins of blow job most entries don't really know the origin. The following is the most informative thing I found:

The Origin of Blow Job - Pre-1960's

The phrase "blow job," for oral-genital sex performed on a male, is surprisingly new in terms of its widespread understanding and usage. It started to appear in slang dictionaries in the 1960s, around the time pop icon Andy Warhol released his film Blow Job, containing several explicit depictions of the act. Earlier the term had been used by college men, prostitutes, and printed in underground pornography, but it was not yet commonplace.

To many Americans in the 1940s and 1950s a "blow job" was a faster-then-the-speed-of-sound "jet airplane." It took off and gave everyone nearby a "blow job." The Thesaurus of American Slang (1953) records an example of this usage from an issue of the San Francisco Examiner in 1945: "A P-59 jet propelled Airacomet, affectionately called the 'blow job' by flyers, will make several flights in 1946."

Linguist think the sexual connotation of "blow job" evolved from "blowoff," an expression meaning to finish off, to climax, to end. "Blowoff" in this sense is related to "blow off steam," to put an end to a emotionally frustrating experience. When a prostitute gave a client a blow job she was helping him "blow off" the steam of sexual arousal. In the 1930s, street-walkers offered oral sex with the phrase "I'll blow you off." It suggests 'I'll cool you down,' 'I'll release your steam.'

Some linguists think the term "blow job" evolved gradually from an eighteenth century European name for a prostitute, blower. A popular name for penis at the time was "whorepipe," and it is easy to see how the woman who played the instrument came to be called a "blower." But was the act called a "blow job?" There's no indication of that.

Today the word is commonplace, uttered as often by women as men. In the following limerick, a widow has just had her cheating husband's body cremated and is about to dispose of his ashes:

A bitter new widow, quite tough,
To her mate's ashes said in a huff,
"You've diddled young girls,
Never brought me no pearls,
And wanted me to blow you - so puff!"

January 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterA Fan
Sorry the comment was so long but I thought you'd be interested and the other site wouldn't let me post a link :)
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterA Fan
i'm getting a certain sense of deja vu from this conversation.....
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered Commentercaryn
I'm fairly certain I'm awful at blow jobs -- don't love giving them, but that's mostly because I'm always flying blind and thinking, "this is probably terrible".

I rely on the fact that in all likelihood, the guy is thinking, "dude, there's a girl on my penis!"
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered Commentersandra
Flying blind is right! I've always figured, if I'm not teething him then I'm doing a good job.
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterGemma
"Some linguists think the term "blow job" evolved gradually from an eighteenth century European name for a prostitute. A popular name for penis at the time was "whorepipe," and it is easy to see how the woman who played the instrument came to be called a "blower."

I think I like this explanation best.. Makes sense.. Now when I go down on The Surge I'm going to play the ol' "whorepipe." I've always wanted to play an instrument..
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMonica
Whorepipe.. It's still crackin' me up.
January 17, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonica
"Whorepipe". Too funny! I'm making it my personal mission to bring that one back. me on this. There's no such thing as a "bad" blow job. Athough, come to think of it, some ARE better than others. But let me ask you this. When was the last time you got a complaint? I'll tell you when. Never! We're just not that stupid.
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterChicago Dave
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterChicago Dave
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 YOU OWE ME A COKE!
(did you do that on jinx when you were a little 'un?)

Thanks for the male perspective Chicago Dave.. It was sorely lacking and much needed..
January 17, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonica
Nope...we just played that you couldn't talk until someone said your name. If you talked before someone did say your name, you got slugged in the arm. Aren't kids cute?
January 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterChicago Dave
While there's no such thing as a "bad" blow job, the fact is the best ones are always given by girls who genuinly like doing it. If you're going through the motions, just putting in time, it'll reflect in your work. Same thing with dudes eating a girl out. If he loves doing it in and of itself, he's probably gonna be great at it.
January 18, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterNND
I would disagree with the bad blow job comment. If you're sore the next day... (this hasn't happened in years before I get in serious trouble...)

There was a pretty good article on the Origins of Oral Sex in playboy awhile back, but the pages are stuck together.. zing!

January 18, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterChuebe
Wait, what's this about Altoids?
January 18, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAimee
OK Chuebe...but did you ask her to stop???
January 18, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterChicago Dave
Good point Chi Dave.

January 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterChuebe
velvet...tell us your 5 rules or whatever they are...please....! :))))

January 20, 2006 | Unregistered Commentererica
velvet: please tell us (or me :)) about your 5 rules!!!!!
January 20, 2006 | Unregistered Commentererica
All I have to say is that you were great last night. I don't know who said you were not good at it.
January 22, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterLast night
Thanks! I emailed Velvet for her 5 rules. I really think it's improved my game.
January 22, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonica

I've been reading your stories for a while
I love them. Anyway, I told my friend this he said
"Yes there is blowing, what do you think a guy does?".
Have to say I found it quite funny.

February 14, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterSteph

I suck.

March 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTrixie

shitpipe was here.

April 14, 2008 | Unregistered Commentershitpipe

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