Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Excessive or Repressive

The sexual climate in my apartment is Arctic. As frigid as a bitter January morning... Actually, it's me that's frigid, the apartment, it's toasty like flannel pj's. My sex life is as steady as Max on a greasy surfboard. My sexual appetite is in turns ravenous and peckish. That's no reflection on The Surge mind you. The man is a closet nymphomaniac.. Not really, but the rockboy loves lovin'. Oh god - I am squeamishly anticipating his reaction to this blog.

But I need to know, who the fuck are these libidinous women who love to get it on? The Samanthas of the world who wax poetic about their coitus comportment while I sit silently, sipping my Diet Coke, wondering if my inhibited Mormon upbringing affects my attitude toward sex.

Perhaps it was the messy abortion when I was seventeen that ushered in a decade of sexual complexes...Maybe it was Grandma sternly advising me not to let those boys touch my pussy cat or suffer God's wrath.. It could be my brother repeatedly calling me a slut when I had yet to allow a boys' eagerly clammy hands under the flimsy training bra for a grope.. Like a difficult puzzle, I have all the pieces facing upward, I just can't seem to fit them together to see the big picture... Whatever it is, my attitude toward fucking swings between excessive and repressive.

Who are these wanton women of the world who consistently crave sex more than my intense longing for Doritos in the midst of an awesomely horrific bout with PMS? Are they for real? Or is their rampant rapaciousness a finely constructed facade? Like two college girls tonguing at a party for the benefit of goggling frat boys, the promise of sexual capriciousness is merely the worm at the end of the fishing line. Once the boy bites, he's a fish out of water when trying to navigate the turbulent waters of the womans' real sexual nature.

Men can get their fuck on from a simple visual - a girl on the street, a picture in a magazine, a cartoon character (a male acquaintance who shall remain nameless once confessed to jacking off to Betty Boop).. Women need more. But what that 'more' is, I can't figure out.

I don't fuck for a shot to the old self esteem, can masterfully masturbate myself to orgasm.. And no it isn't the foreplay I'm after. I don't require foreplay, I generally like to get down to business as quickly as possible - all that namby pamby licking is for dogs.. Let's rock this and lets rock it now is the theory I generally subscribe to.

I am impatient in life and in love.. let us get to the delicious friction and thrusting already - like I said, repressive or excessive. And while the repressive is depressive, the excessive often feels fake. Many times I feel like I'm an actress playing a role, whispering the dirty nothings I've heard via porn, gyrating like the strippers men pay to see.

Maybe it's not the sex but the intimacy I fear.. the lionhearted act of allowing someone to see, touch, taste and feel me at my most vulnerable - but that's not quite it either.

Will sex ever feel as natural as eating or bathing or will I always feel excessive or repressive because I didn't grow up free wheeling around some nude commune learning to embrace my sexuality with fellow hippies called Moonbeam and Sunflower.

Reader Comments (21)

Or maybe it's the birth control? Not sure if you are on any, nor is it really my business mind you, but Monica if you are birth control can certainly put a damper on a woman's sexual urges especially if it's the depo shot.

Hell, I just wish I even had a friend with benefits right now. Something would be nice. I have the urge. I could be a "Samantha" I suppose. It's there! I just don't have anyone or have met anyone I'm willing to go that far with.
January 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFiabug
It's not a hormonal thing.
January 4, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonica
The depo shot OR the patch. Aargh!! Like we need extra hormones!
January 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterLolaWants
Alright well that's ruled out then. I suppose it's about finding yourself sexually as well then.

I am still on the learning curve of my sexuality. I think many women go through this even while married to the love of their life or whatever. Your not a lone.
January 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFiabug
Lolawants writes

"The depo shot OR the patch. Aargh!! Like we need extra hormones!"

LOL I hear ya. I have never been on any kind of birth control. I don't know if I could handle being on any. My mom would certainly say my hormones are already all over the place. :)
January 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFiabug
Oh, and the whole point of my comment, which I forgot to mention. ;-) Being raised having strict religious beleifs or a family who refuses to be open with sex (both from my own personal experience) can have a HUGE impact on the way you will always feel about it. Can you ever rid yourself of things that you've been instilled with for so long and from such a young age? I'm not sure....
January 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterLolaWants
Damn, that was a good post. I bear my testimony that single women will do any sort of acrobatic sexual Naughtiness any-time, any-place....Just to bag that man. It has been proven in university studies that there is a food which will kill a womens sexual appetite every time, guaranteed. This unlucky food turns out to be none other than (drum roll please) cake...Who knew?


January 4, 2006 | Unregistered Commentercchild
Ha! I agree.. Girls turn cartwheels, hang from ceilings, pretend to be the one girl who wants it all the time (I admit to this behavior) when they first meet a guy.. Just wait a couple months and your naughty Natasha will morph into prim Prudence faster than you can unhook her bra..
January 4, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonica
I can't say I have had evern been a prim Prudence though. Mind you it's been quite sometime that I had sex regularly. LOL But I just know when I was in a relationship of 2 years (mind you I was younger as well) that my sex drive was very high. I would actually get angry if I didn't get sex. Being the girl I was who wasn't secure in her sexuality then and didn't feel comfortable with making the first move. My ex would laugh at me....we'd argue then have great sex and he'd say "Why didn't you just say you wanted sex?" LOL
January 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFiabug
If I had a dollar for how many times I got it on without really wanting too just to make a guy think I was some sort of sex Goddess, I'd be a Billionaire. I'm surprised these guys didn't catch me watching Golf on the TV behind them which seemed a lot more interesting to me than what was happening on top of me at that moment.
January 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSicksadworld
She said Golf!!

Interesting perspectives, ladies.

January 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterChuebe
I'm not mormon, but I grew up in a very Christian home and I have the same excessive/repressive attitude about it. I like it, but sometimes I can't help feeling that its wrong. Gotta love childhood hangups ruining grown up fun.
January 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterKatie
Nice article on Marah on today.
January 4, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterA Reader
I grew up in a very "proper" christian home, but things are different for me. My parents may be very repressed but i am not. I wonder why that is.
January 4, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterjenny
I grew up in a very liberal home where sex was seen as healthy and natural. I knew my parents got it on, my parents knew I got it on.

I still am not a Samantha Jones. I have played with the birth control - same deal when off as well as on. I always figured it's the media making all these women look like horn dogs, when in fact I think more are like moi. Nice to read that I may in fact be correct!
January 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterDilly
I have a good friend who's the same way (more on the desert side than the monsoon, actually) and we always laugh about it, because although I'm not Samantha -- in that I have a lot of trouble just having random sex (physical + emotion = not totally separate in my head, for the most part) -- I really do enjoy it a lot when I'm with someone.

My point? Seems normal to me.
January 5, 2006 | Unregistered Commentersandra
This feels like you're talking about me. When I first met the b.f. I definitely impressed him with my ready at any time attitude. I'm sure he's scratching his head and wondering where "she" went.
January 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterNichole
Nichole said: "This feels like you're talking about me. When I first met the b.f. I definitely impressed him with my ready at any time attitude. I'm sure he's scratching his head and wondering where "she" went"

I loved that comment..
January 6, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonica
Honey, if when I'm Samantha's age, I look like Samantha, I'll wanna fuck anything that moves, including myself. A lot.

Right now I'm twenty pounds heavier than I've been in my life, which hasn't exactly put me in the "who wants to perform oral sex on me?" state of mind. But...I suppose it could be worse.

You're merely living the ho-hum of every day life. The "when it's always there you don't want it" scenario. Just keep thinking about the nights that you can't spend with your husband, and how lonely it gets without him. If you need to, watch a porno or two while at work before you get home. I find that has great free sample videos.


January 6, 2006 | Unregistered Commentertallchickbarbara

January 6, 2006 | Unregistered Commentersurge's_pants
surge's_pants.. I soo love that.
January 7, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonica

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