Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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You Are Cordially Invited...

Click here for my latest piece at Dig & Scratch. I won't bore you with links to every single article. Just the ones that crack me up.

"What about ‘Hound Dog?’” I asked. “It’s Elvis for Godsakes!”
“Never been an Elvis fan,” Max replied snootily.
“Not an Elvis fan! What? I suppose you’re going to tell me you’re all about that ‘Puppy Love’ shit by the Osmonds. Just because we’re from Utah doesn’t mean—”
“Fuck the Osmonds. You know I’m not into the Osmonds.”
“Oooh! Oooh! I know! What about that song by Janes Addiction? You know the one where the dog barks in the beginning? You LOVE that song!”
"Been Caught Stealing.’” Max yawns.
"What? You were caught stealing? Did you sneak biscuits at the dog store again? I told you–”
“The song, dumb ass. It’s called ‘Been Caught Stealing.’ But it’s not about dogs.”
“Oh. Right.” I pick at my fingernail polish.
“I do like that Yo La Tengo song called A Shy Dog. Is that pretentious enough for you?”
“I’m not pretentious. But Who Let The Dogs Out? Please.”
“What about The Cure? I like the chorus of that song that goes ‘Oh shake dog shake, shake shake, shake dog shake!’ What’s that song called?”
“Uh, ‘Shake Dog Shake.’”
“Oh. Well.. It’s a good song. And Primus’ ‘Too Many Puppies.’ The world would be a better place if more people listened to the lyrics of that song. What were we talking about anyway?”

And this? I just couldn't help myself: