Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
You can also find Monica's writing here:
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It's Like This And Like That And Like This - And Uh...

Midnight last night found me examining the lumps in my armpits. I know. Hardly the thing to be sharing with strangers... Apparently my nodes are swollen with bacteria. Lymph nodes, that is. Hurts like the dickens.. Can't move my arms much.. Exciting new illnesses, I'm discovering here. Forging new and uncharted territory in Strange Things That Happen To Your Armpits Land... And here I thought the tomato red rash apres waxing was the oddest phenomenon thus far. I shoulda known.

Anyhow.. You've been at the forefront of my thoughts as of late.. Your glaring absence stretching on for nearly two months now. It isn't cool. I'm over having all the covers.. The television remote control has lost it's inky black luster.. My witty television commentary doesn't impress Max much. I'm lucky if I get a tail thump. I've duped you into thinking I'm hilarious. I know. It baffles me too. Perhaps you wouldn't think I was as funny if you weren't spending six weeks at a clip sharing a hotel room with a roadie called Donnie Pizza Sauce..

It's been so long. You leave me wreathed in smiles. Both of us - pretending like the yawning chasm of time will be negotiated in a flash. We both know that's never the case. We will falter. Fall. Scrape our knees. And by the end, we're hanging onto the climbing equipment for dear life, cursing and blaming each other.

The days turtle by. Agonizingly slow. Silly texts get old. Not worth the time it takes to type them. Phone calls are overflowing with miscues and misunderstandings.
"You sound grumpy."
"I'M not the grumpy one."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means whatever you want it to mean."
"So I'm a bitch? That's what you're saying?"
"I didn't say that."
"You implied it."



"Well what?"
"Every time I call you're ornery."
"Every time you call me it's three in the morning!"



"I gotta go."

I've been on autopilot. Left the ol' robot at the controls while my mind wanders through rocky terrain. Going through the motions, keeping my positive meter cranked so high the needle done broke off. Broken. I need a refill of normal married life. I miss my buddy. The air I breathe is as stale as those godawful Slim Jims you're sick of chawing and retching with last night's stage Whiskey.

Something happened between us on this latest tour though, didn't it? As unlikely as a flower blooming in the grimy, dirt caked cracks of a New York sidewalk, we have fallen more in love. Against the odds of our inclement marital weather, the tiny floret bloomed. Like that warm bubble bath we shared on Valentines day, we are sinking into each other a bit more. Relaxing. I miss looking at that face I've learned to study like a Van Gogh - with each viewing, discovering new elements I never noticed before.

Finally. It's over. This time. You're speeding toward me as I type this.. I'll see you tonight.

Reader Comments (16)

I totally understand what you are feeling; the misunderstandings over the phone especially. You can't smooth harsh words over with a quick kiss or squeeze or googly-eyes look like you can when they are in the same room as you.

It's so freaking hard and the

Glad to hear The Surge will be back soon! You're a tough girl.
February 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAmy
how do you know thats what it is. The lymph nodes. Have you had this before? are you on antibiotics then? Did you go to the doctor?
February 19, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermama
Good lord Ma... It isn't cancer.. it's an infecton...
February 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMonica
just makin sure, your makin sure. Then are you on antibiotics?
February 19, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermama
I think your mom is very sweet. Yay for you that The Surge is coming home! Have a great reunion.
February 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSunny
Thank you Sunny. You are sweet to say that I am sweet.
February 19, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermama
Good for you that The Surge is homeward bound. I also enjoyed looking through all your photos. Brainy and beautiful. Some women have all the luck.
February 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJupiter
S'all Photoshop - really. But I'll take compliments however I can get 'em.
February 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMonica
Welcome home The Surge!
February 19, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterGemma
I just wanted to drop a line telling you how fantastic I think your writing is. Reading your blog is like watching Grey's
Anatomy. I never want to miss an episode. Did you see tonight's episode by the way!?

Thanks for all the entertainment as well as the thought provoking posts. You are my writing goddess!
February 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterLiza
I stumbled upon your blog through reading Stephanie Kleins and instantly fell in love with your entries I especially enjoyed The Girl Who portion of your site. I know what you're going through when it comes to the long distances and time spent away from your other half especially the harsh and non-existant conversations via the telephone and even email. It gets fustrating but what keeps the feeling of joy alive is the knowing that there are only so many more sleeps till they come home and you get to hold them again. Keep up with the stories and the wonderful pictures and keep on smiling it looks good on you :0)
February 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterCarazy Cashew
Armpit lumps? *inspects own pits* That's a new one. Can you get out of work for that? ;-)
February 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMerteuil
As I'm freelance, using the ol' lumpy armpit excuse would only hurt me in the long run - the day my paycheck says I can't afford the antiobiotics to reduce said lumps...
February 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMonica
Glad he's back. miss someone that much.
February 20, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSerena
Dude - it ain't all it's cracked up to be.. Already had the "what'dya want for dinner - I don't know what do you want?" conversation... This charming exchange, as I was forced to watch a Civil War documentary longer than the actual Civil War..
February 20, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonica
Yeah, I always watch that Civil War doc as soon as soon as I get off the road. Hey: six weeks away and a man misses his Pickett's Charge and shit, yo.

February 21, 2006 | Unregistered Commentersurge

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