Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Tampons For Sale!

There they were.. in all their blue box glory. An earnest blue. The color of the sky just before night takes over. A familiar bright streak of color splashed across each box indicating size. Purple for slim, yellow for "Regular", green for "Super-Absorbent" and orange for "your vagina is so big we are laughing our asses off after you purchase these".

I stopped scraping along the sidewalk in my uncomfortanble new shoes in order to take a longer gander at this unusual window display. Tampons? The window inhabits the entire first floor of the pharmacy on the corner. Usually I'm not looking in the window so much as at my reflection.

I suffer from the intense desire to check myself out in every mirror or window I shuffle past. You know.. does my butt look big in these? Does my hair still look the way it did when I left the house? Do I have something in my teeth? What do I look like when I walk? How is my posture? You know, the usual thoughts that engage my brain 80 percent of the time.

On this particular day I had bypassed the butt evaluation and was enjoying the way the hem of my jeans lovingly kissed the luscious tops of my beautiful new leather shoes. Then I looked through the glorious reflection of pant/shoe marriage.

Somone had carefully stacked boxes of Tampons into a crafty pyramid... and then, as a stylish exclamation point, had artfully sprinkled the actual tampons around the period pyramid. An artistic flourish that would perhaps lure me into the store in desperate search of the fantastic tampons arrayed in the window!

I stood, looking at the tampons in wonderment, trying to guess at the thought process that would prompt one to create a tampon display. Was it an ironic display? In an increasingly sarcastic society, where everything from human feces to carefully arranged garbage can and is called art I thought perhaps there was a deeper meaning to the tampon display that I was missing on first perusal.

But no. The display next to the tampons included a variety of vitamins and herbs for the health conscious. Now THAT, I can understand. Trying to inform the folks that you carry a particular item that not everyone stocks is a perfectly acceptible reason to display things. Or to create a display that appeals to the senses.. decadent chocolates, beautiful clothing, sparkling diamonds.. all of these are acceptible display items.. But TAMPONS? They need to put them in the window? As with toothpase and toiletpaper, is it not safe to assume a drug store or pharmacy would carry this particular item?

In my head, I articulated the sales pitch behind the tampon display.. Step right up! Come on inside ladies.. getcher tampons here! We've got slim, we've got regular, we've got a little something for the big gals! Tampons sold here!

So what's next? Douche?
"Can I help you miss?"
"Yes sir, I'd like the douche there in the window. The Summer's Eve so beautifully arranged there in the display. Yes, that's the one. I was walking by on my way to lunch when I saw the wonderful display and simply couldn't resist!"

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    Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings

Reader Comments (12)

Maybe they did it for the men that go in for their women to pick up the tampons for them (because the women have screamed and cried them into it)....this way they are out in the open and the men can stop ringing up $85.00 pharmacy bills because they are trying to hide the fact that they just came in for tampons.

Or maybe, someone just thinks it's funny....
May 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterRichelle
Hellllp... Monica went to Milan, Florence and Venice... then Ital-icized her blog!!!

I used to work at a local pharmacy and anytime my friends' moms would come into the store and amble down the first aisle, stopped halfway down and turned left, I'd be off like a shot to stock the shelves or sweep the sidewalk so someone else could ring them up.

Nothing was ever said, but somehow I think they appreciated that at least as much as I did.
May 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWry Bri
Pesky italics.. All better now.

I still can't buy condoms (for my husband!) without feeling like the clerk thinks I'm a big slut.

and then there's this:
May 16, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonica
Ahhh...tampons. I just had to buy them last night. The sad thing about it is, the size of the tampon "Regular", "Super" and "Super-Plus" isn't about the size of your vaginia. It's the asborancy, gentlemen.

What pissed me off with buying them last night is "Regular" and "Super" were on sale but "Super-Plus" was not. Same brand, same count. Made no sense to me what so ever.
May 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFiabug
That's okay... On my condom runs, I usually get the older woman behind the counter who gives the "Does your wife know you're buying these?" look. (Tempting me to redo the scene from American Graffiti where the guy buys a million other useless things and THEN what he wants.) Or I end up with the young chick who gives the "Yeah.. right. Like you're ever gonna get lucky." look.

But that's the current price of admission. Paying for sex. (Wellokaynotreally... but it sounds cooler to say it that way.)
May 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterWry Bri
I buy neither......
May 16, 2006 | Unregistered Commentermama
This made me laugh! I hate buying tampons in New York. Half the time you have to ask the clerk for them. Completely embarrassing as the clerk is always a man. I know, it's a perfectly natural body function, but still!
May 16, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterGemma
Dinosaurs from toothpicks... Stonehinge from tampons. Class projects gone wrong.
May 17, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterStFarmer
how much is that...tampon? in the window? the one with the, um, waggly tail?
May 17, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterkasey
Hey-OH... Kasey's back and he's on fire...
May 17, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonica

There's a new brand now specifically for girls. Check it out

November 12, 2007 | Unregistered CommenterJoan

Just as the saying goes, "life is like a guide, how would you like to write, it is what sort of book. So our own attitude determines existence. However, we have to go through significantly more meaningful guide, it can give us inspiration. by Supra Vaider High

July 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSupra Vaider High

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