Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Accentuate The Negative, Eliminate The Positive

She lets it all affect her. So much more than it should. She yearns to be carefree. Unconcerned. But like walking the streets of Manhattan, something always gets in the way. An analyzation, a nasty thought about someone else or a drizzle of self-doubt that steadily increases into a full blown London downpour. Before long she is drowning in self-hatred.

She accentuates the negative, eliminates the positive. Why does she do that? She's aware she does it. Knows full well that she has an innate inclination to dwell on the darker side of life but she doesn't know why.

Oh, she has an inkling. Sometimes she talks to a man on the telephone who has known her for 29 years, a few months and some change. This guy is funny, intelligent.. he's a charmer all right. But if he latches onto something, he can't let it go. He has a penchant for dwelling. On everything. He is a champion flogger of dead horses. On and on he drones. She listens to him complain and is annoyed. But she is the same way.

She hates that.

Reader Comments (20)

"He is a champion flogger of dead horses."

Great line!

screw him!

As if it could be so easy.

I'm depressed.

er...more depressed, I should say.
Sounds a lot like a recent post on Stephanie Klein's blog...hmmm
June 11, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterfan
Wha? Am not sure I follow??..
June 11, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonica
Raymond Chandler once said something to the effect of "There are only two stories in the world - a man leaves home, and a stranger comes to town"

So, you assert that Monica may have posted on a topic that someone else - a known reader of this blog, in fact - may have posted about recently? Holy Crap! Call the thought police! Alert the Uniqueness Brigade! you think that Stephanie Klein sits awake at night scanning all the blogs written by women living in cities to ensure that nobody writes anything that may resemble something she wrote about? I mean, you clearly do, and it's clearly an obsessive/loserish/unfreakingbelievably anal and somewhat stalkerish thing to do...are you saying that Ms. Klein is an obsessive, unfreakingbelievably anal, stalkerish loser like you?

Had you a shred of anything creative coursing through your veins, you'd know that the best writing is always inspired. Might Ms. Klein have inspored Monica to write this post? Possibly...we'll never know. Might Ms. Klein herself have been inspired by another blogger, a story in the Atlantic Monthly, a real-life scene she saw on the street, hallucinations brought on by peyote-laced tacos from the shady dude in the Mexican food cart? It's probable.

I mean, if you're sitting around having truly independent and unique thoughts all the time, what the fuck are you doing posting steaming dung on someone else's blog? Go out and make some money, fool! But you're not. You're sitting there in your PJs, polishing off your second pint of Phish Food while your well-worn VHS tapes of Sex in the City unwind in the background, trying to find a way to endear your self (anonymously - that's the kicker) to Ms. Klein. Way to go! You're a god-damned inspiration to insipid, soul-sucking little bitches everywhere!

Woo hoo!
June 11, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterdu_dragons
Monica, liked the post. Oh, and my husband? He's got your back, yo. In case you were wondering.
June 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterEDW
What they said.
June 11, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAimee
Sorry Fan...don't see it.
I read SK's blog every day just as I do Monica's ( I don't have a life) & no where do I see the resemblance.
Except, maybe...just MAYBE...Monica may not be the only woman in NY to discover, sadly, just how much she has inherited from her folks...hmmmm
June 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMariY
I frequently read this blog, but I have to be honest, the cliquishness and outright insane hostility displayed by some of the readers towards any comment that remotely resembles criticism is pretty off putting. I realize that, in the past, there have been some real jerk-offs that have left some petty, unconstructive and sometimes completely inappropriate criticism on this blog. And, frankly, they deserved to be blown out of the water. But their deserving a good verbal flogging doesn't make it less of a drag to read all the mudslinging. Further, I think it really discourages people that are outside of the inner ring from wanting to make any comment on this blog.
June 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFrequent Reader
Wow. As a reader and poster, I'm sorry you feel discouraged from making comments. Personally, I like to read other people's comments, even if I don't agree with them. I'm confused as to the "inner ring" - would that be us bunch of strangers sitting at our computers, reading and commenting? You can be a stranger reading and commenting, too! Wait - you are. So we're all equal, then, right?

I don't always agree with everything Monica writes, I don't always love every little thing that comes out of her head. I have posted that in a constructive way, but you are right - I have no tolerance for the anonymous commenters. I hope it does discourage them. I hope it does send the message that it's not okay to constantly grind the same axe with a person who has done nothing to you.

Is it insane hostility? Well, it's over the top, sure. It's kinda supposed to be funny. Maybe it's not funny, but it's intended to be funny in a quit-it-already-way. It is a drag to read the mudslinging, but it's not going to stop unless the instigators go the hell away already, or the rest of us become bigger people and ignore them.

I look forward to reading more of your comments, Frequent Reader. On this topic, I think we're going to have to agree to disagree.
June 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterEDW
I'm not sure who the "inner ring" is either. I also don't see what's constructive about accusing Monica of copying Stephanie. That's just rude. As I read SK too, I don't have any idea what "Fan" is referring too.I think it's okay to criticize Monica's writing - in a constructive way, that's what commenting is for. But I like the fact that some of us don't stand for the silly bickering that often populates Stephanie Klein's blog. She'll have fifty or sixty comments and half of them from those who hate her and those who are defending her.
June 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterGemma
I suppose I'll jump in here. Y'know.. it never seems to surprise me, the animosity some folks have for a stranger. Somebody sitting at home in Colorado or Virginia or, oh, say London.. apparently so enraged by the content of this blog (I actually thought this entry rather boring) that they are simply compelled to type out a shitty comment. If folks wanna defend me, that's great (especially when their comments are as entertaining as du_dragons..boy I had a laugh) If you have something negative to say about me, that's cool too.. It doesn't bother me. I love reading the comments and am continually amazed by the people who read this blog. Many of you have emailed me (I will get back to you!) and I wish more would feel compelled to comment - even if you wanna let me know you're sick of hearing about this or that.. Whatever. It's cool knowing you're out there relating in some capacity. That's why I started the blog. To relate. To realize I ain't the only crazy one out here. That said, let's not forget we're all grown-ups. Just because the internet affords us relative anonymity doesn't mean we can regress to playground behavior, slinging negativity you would never utter in person because you don't have to look me in the eye.
June 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMonica
I really don't sense any 'cliquishness' here. I think this blog is pretty unique in that Monica and others really encourage people to share their stories. What other blog do you know of that has a 'your stories' and 'idle chatter' section where the blogger actively encourages her readers to post about themselves. Plus, she regularly interacts with her readers and welcomes new posters.
I think most people have a low tolerance for reading posts from anonymous trolls who post for the first time with a pointless criticism. It really adds nothing to the conversation and it's juvenile.
June 12, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterchrissy
EDW - I don't think we totally disagree at all. I do enjoy reading people's comments and feedback and I agree that Monica does offer alot of opportunity to foster discussion amongst her readers. I also agree that internet trolls should not be tolerated. Monica, you shouldn't have to deal with senseless asshole comments from internet "strangers".

But, for me, it just isn't very entertaining when comments dissolve into back and forth between two waring opinions. Particularly when the opinions aren't really worth their salt (i.e. SK wrote a blog just like this. As du_dragon said: Who gives a shit?) In my mind, it isn't even worth acknowledging a comment that doesn't actually say anything useful. I totally agreed with du_dragon's message that where an idea comes from doesn't detract from its validity and interest.

When I piss and moan about someone who is bothering me, my boyfriend likes to ask me "Why are you allowing them to live in your head rent free?" And I suppose that is how I feel about this. The retorts to these goons can be funny, but sometimes catering to the negativity by even giving the naysayers the time of day can just be tiring to read. That is all I meant to convey.
June 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFrequent Reader
Well said.
June 12, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAimee
I went to Stephanies blog. I'm reading bits and peices of it here and there but I am not hooked like I am on this one. (Don't worry Stephanie, I still think you are a beautiful person from what I have seen, I just like Monica more. But maybe you have a story that will sway me. Don't feel rejected even though you are. Oh, nevermind.)
As for this post, I relate. I am so mean to myself and I wish that cold little insecure bitch in my head would just go away. I will find a way to get to her and warm her up.
I'll try to comment more often. Sometimes it just doesn't seem like I have anything worthwhile to say but that is probably my cold bitch talking anyway. Thanks for the email. You took so long I worried that I had become the creepy vagina girl. That was a very icky feeling. I felt guilty whenever I would visit your blog. But now I am carefree or something happy. Thanks.
It's really nice of you to reach out to your readers. I would probably never comment if you didn't and I'm sure it's encouraged people to be more brave and therefore interesting. Something is different about your commentors. They have personality.
June 12, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterdesiree
Desiree! Welcome to the blog. Glad you finally commented. I really do hope everyone feels welcome to comment without fear of being attacked. I like to hear differing views on life and I enjoy when folks challenge my writing/opinions. Makes it all the more interesting.
June 13, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonica
I have been commenting but on old posts all over your blog that you probably don't check up on. I guess it's pointless but I had things to say.
June 13, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterdesiree
Nah.. not pointless. I still go back and read a lot of stuff. It's my journal, y'know.. And it's always cool to read new comments I never read the first time around.
June 13, 2006 | Registered CommenterMonica
Geez..little did I know that posting that comment would cause such a stir. I simply meant that it reminded me a bit of a previous entry Stephanie had written. I admire and respect what you write on this blog Monica and I did not mean to offend you. As for the future I think my posting days are over..I dont think I can handle all this petty back and forth nonsense with complete strangers. To read all the backlash really stunned me.To have total strangers rip me a new asshole is just not fun.
June 25, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterFan
Yeah sure, that's all you meant. You were being an asshole and you know it.
June 25, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterAimee

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