Wednesday
Jun212006
On Smoking

Most smokers wish they didn't smoke. I am a non-smoker and I wish I did. It's a dirty habit, of course.. We've all seen the super hip ads starring irascible teens intent on sticking it to tobacco companies. Smoking blackens lungs, causes cancer, makes folks stink.. But most importantly it's oh-so-handy during a night at a bar.
I notice that brother-in-law Dave can inhale great quantities of cigarettes, all the while staring into space. While this smoking festival is underway he appears to be occupied with solving the riddles of the universe and, of course, he always looks super cool. C'mon. Smoking just plain looks cool. If you didn't know what it's doing to their insides it looks sexy.. anything involving lips, sucking and blowing is pretty hot, right? Blame it on James Dean or Katharine Hepburn and all the rest of those sexy smoke sucker stars from back in the day. Point is, Dave looks busy AND COOL.
Me, I try to stare into space whilst wiling away a night at the bar and a strange man will skooch over and say 'you look like you've got a lot on your mind' and attempt to buy me a drink. It's not the buying me a drink part I mind so much as the fact that now I have to make small talk with a strange man.
THEORY: If I had a cigarette clamped between my fingers one would never mistake my staring into space for me 'needing to talk' or being moody. I'd just be enjoying my cigarette, see? Similarly, if I happened to find myself being chatted up by an Undesirable (read: Close Talkers, Low Talkers, Strange Men, Never Shut Uppers etc..) I'd simply excuse myself for a smoke outside.
Smoking lends you the excuse to step away from a boring conversation, light up and ponder the night air. Under the generous guise of not wanting to blow smoke in the faces of others.. you can pull out that Virginia Slim and step away in an attempt to light up and voila! You've extricated yourself from a snoozer of a conversation.. Without that cigarette I'm just the creepy girl standing by herself outside the bar.
In short.. I wish I smoked... but seeing how it kills you.. I guess I'll stick to feeling awkward at bars when everyone heads outside for a smoke break in winter's deep freeze and I sit there twiddling my thumbs, trying to avoid catching the eye of the serial killer eyeballing me from two stools down.
in
Musings |
40 Comments |


Reader Comments (40)
My b/f smokes, it smells, but strangely enough, when I smells ciggy smoke, it makes me miss him, WEIRD I KNOW!
- We must've been at the same bar! I had the red curly wig and foam nose. Next time say hey!
And damn, it does look cool. I used to be a drunk smoker, and occassionally I"ll bum one if I'm drunk now. But I'm so glad I never started in earnest. I hope my kid never does.
All of the above (skirting conversation's, stepping out for a ME moment) true!
Drinking and smoking? How else can I keep my balance, socially?
Feeling like a fuckin' leper in today's society?
You betcha, by golly, wow!
Listening to yourself wheeze in bed?
Delightful.
Letting down everybody that cares for you because of this $tOOpid addiction?
Great for the self-esteem lacking types, like me.
Melanoma coma, strokes, surgery, radiation, chemo, "get your affairs in order" and early death?
I'd continue to fight that urge, dear.
1) Yes we are all going to die anyway, but lung cancer is a pretty terrible way to die.
*lights up*
2) It makes you look old and ugly before your time
*inhales deeply*
3) It makes you stink.
*gives thanks to the sweet god who invented this amazing tasty treat*
Just what the heck else are you supposed to do then?? IM someone on a cell phone?? Pick your nose?? Go through a purse?? Fish for navel lint?? Those are all worth pursuits, but they're busywork. The air you want is smoky contemplation, and even an unlit cigar is of no avail.
The closest, my dear, is a glass of good single-malt scotch. Neat. In a brandy snifter. You can get lost in good scotch, and people who might be thinking about an approach may think twice if you're immersed in a Speyside sample. In fact, if the bartender is worth his/her salt, they'll call for a moment of silence for the slow-motion pour.
Or for sh*ts and giggles, do the same thing with a Jaeger. I wonder if it's got good legs??
I took up smoking in college to make friends, sad, but true. 'Can I have a light' is always a good conversation starter, I met most of my good friends while huddled in a small group on the dorm steps clutching cigarettes in the freezing rain.
There is no other socially acceptable way to take a 5 minute vacation from life by just staring off into space besides having a cigarette in your hand. I'm so jealous of the smokers that get to head outside a couple of times a day for a mental break. You'd be the office weirdo if you stood next to them chewing gum or drinking a juice box or something..
Remember those fake cigarettes they made for people trying to quit that looked like tampons?
Mama, I thought your post was funny! I still say hottie.:-)
But now I do the writing intensely on a bar napkin when I want to escape the public. If anyone interupts, I pretend I don't hear them. Or I sit in the darkest corner possible and look pissed off.
I agree with Cine... watching an attractive woman smoke a beautiful long white cigarette is very hypnotic, definitely sexy. It's not "white trash" unless the woman smokes a cheapo man's cigarette (i.e., a real stink stick). I know this, because I was the little boy who had no interest in nudie mags... I was too busy adoring the models who posed for the Virginia Slims ads. Now, years later, I've handled enough really nasty chemicals in my life to not let a little cigarette smoke bother me, though I must admit I've always thought of cigarettes as "girlish" and have never smoked. When I finally get off my lazy behind and start dating again, I'll make a point of trying to get a date who's a smoker, rather than one who isn't... because, you see, I'm rather intrigued by the prospect of kissing a woman whose breath smells smoky. ;-) Of course, whether she'll be able to handle a guy like me who likes garlicky Italian food, is another matter...
None of these reasons offset the bad that comes from smoking. The smell gets EVERYWHERE and never seems to go away, it covers your walls and windows with a sticky brown substance that is all but impossible to wash off, You loos your sense of smell and taste, did I mention the smell?, and of course there's all the diseases it causes.
You may get left behind at a bar or have to think of another way to get out of a boring conversation (I find the bathroom break always works) but you don't have to worry about smelling to high heaven when you come back from that break or always worrying about getting the next one or spending 100's of dollars a year on the habit, or the coughs, or the.....I could go on forever:)
Don't smoke, it's just not worth it.
I've been smoking for a little while now and at no time have i ever though of stopping
I love to smoke!!
every one that says that they like to smoke makes me sick because you are acting silly because you have nothing better to do with yourselves than ruin your bodies. God gave us a natural HEALTHY body for a reason. there is a reason that you werent born with black lungs, a disgusting messed up heart, no silia or avioli, rotten and missing teeth, a serious bladder infection, and cancer of practically the entire body, and tumors all over the place.... but then again it is ur choice if you want to kill yourself.... a sad STUPID COULD OF SAVED YOUR LIFE type of death....
I think smoking is a bad and nasty habit. this is comming from a 13 year old if you smoke you will die every cigarette you smoke you are taking a minut off your life.
u guys that say its "cool" are all pathetic and morons period
gosh, i totally agree with you penguin.
smoking is a horrid, disgusting habit. it always has been and always will be. you people who do it to fit in and shit are very sad, and its time to get some proper friends who don't enjoy killing themselves.
and also, the whole smoking thing is the "it will never happen to me" routine. now, this may sound harsh, but i wish it did. because you're not just affecting yourselves, you're affecting the people around you, and your family and friends. when you smoke, there is over 4000 chemicals in the air, and 90% of deaths from lung cancer are caused by SECONDHAND smoke. that makes me sick to think that there are people with that knowledge out there still continuing to do the damn thing. and when you die from it, which you eventually will, (the average smoker loses up to 21 years of their life) your family and friends are gonna be pretty upset right? you did that. why do it huh? just why?
wait a minute, i meant up to 7-8 years not 21, sorry =S
smoking?! what for?
waste $$ . . harm almost every part of our organs?
ot worth. .i had nv ever try to smoke and nv ever think of wanting to smoke . .
when ever i walk pass the smokers?
they do have a strong "SMELL" which make mi feel so uncomfortable . .
quit smoking is a good choice =)
smoking is f*k*ng stupid all u do is have a white stik in ur mouth puffin away money n ur life
I just using smoking as a way to relax when im stressed works great
o and just to tell u- smoking dosent relax u, it stresses your poor heart and makes it work harder than it needs to. if any thing, smoking does the exact opposite of relaxing u...
instead of smoking try doing something else that u enjoy like a hobby u have-(fishing, reading, talking on the phone, drawing, etc.) personally, i dont kno if this is weird, but running "relaxes" me when im stressed about something...
Mmmmh... B n H Gold XD
i totally agree with you and trust me i'd be smoking away gloriously if it weren't for the fact that it thinens your lips and makes your hair stink!