Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Whose To Know If Your Soul Will Fade At All, The One You Sold To Fool The World

I log on here every day and look at this big ol' white page and think, Hey! I should write something here. But then I get all self-aware and shit and I just can't bring myself to do it. Man-oh-man I want to write, got to write, need to write but then I go and read random blogs and everyone is just so disgustingly clever and teeth-achingly hilarious and I just want to never, ever read another blog again.

Okay, lemme explain.

You know how reality shows aren't really reality shows anymore because everybody on 'em grew up watching reality shows and they've learned how to cultivate their reality-ness so that it isn't reality but a contrived persona yet they think that they're pulling one over on us. You know? Like Kimora thinks we think she's being so real and so raw with her bitchy fabulousness shtick? Or that, like, we totally buy that Kim Kardashian and her fucked-up (fucked up in the worst way possible, not fucked up in a nice, bumbling Ozzy Osborne kind-of-way) Mother Manager like to switch places all Freaky Friday like for kicks so that Mom can pose nude and get a taste of how, like, totally awful it was for Kim to show her jugs to the Playboy cameraman? Cuz that's just how the Kardashian's roll, yo. It's not because some coked up E! producer was trying to jazz up an already terrible example of humanity. And it's not because of the fact that if you shove a camera in someone's face they will never, ever be real. Ever. Right? It's not that because The Kardashians are real! And so is The Real World, right? Says so right in the title!

What I'm laboring to impart in this rather lengthy, sarcastic diatribe is that, anymore, blogs are like reality television. There's this one with her funny schtick, and over here's the bitch who mocks everyone (your meanness is brilliant so please, don't make fun of my blog, freaky adult who targets random strangers on the internet like a fucking bully on a playground!), this one is oh-so-cute (she must be so much fun to hang out with!) and that one is always ready to bring the snark. Ain't no real in blogging anymore. Most blogs in which the writer has any talent seem to eventually morph into a "reality" show. The blogger knows what works with their "audience", what generates the most reaction and so they comply, proffering posts filled to the brim with their trademark schtick. And the vote- for-me-for-this-web-award posts? That's just the fucking Emmys of the internet, right? We're handing out awards based on the caricatures people have created of themselves on the internet? And who's handing out awards? Some blogger who started a web awards blog?

I don't know what I'm trying to say. I guess that I want to be authentic and I'm having trouble doing so. I suppose blogs are entertainment and each person can certainly handle their blog in the way in which they choose... But all the witty, all the snark, all the bitchy, all the cute - it all feels too forced. Blogs have gone the way of reality television. Which is why I can't bring myself to write here. Everything feels contrived for whoever I imagine is reading. Or is it whomever? Fuck, I can never remember.