Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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He's Okay! He Does This All The Time!

A favorite pastime of Max's is to "Shoot The Tube." I know, what is shoot the tube, you're thinking. Near where we live here in the Beehive State there is a popular dog park. Well, it's not so much a park as a very big gully filled with trees, trails and a river.

The aforementioned river flows from a nearby canyon. Courtesy of a giant, silver tube, the water is funneled from the canyon under a nearby freeway into the gully. Some enterprising individuals discovered that if you hike up the tube that channels the river from one side of the freeway to the other you can ride it back down. Just like a waterslide! But cheaper! And if there's anything that turns folks on in Utah more than Jell-O, it's FREE STUFF! Ergo, (yes, I said ergo, just fuck off) trudging up the tube carrying all manner of flotation devices and then zooming down afloat on water and adrenaline has become a popular way for high school kids to pass the hot summer days.

They enter the tube from the gully side, walk under the freeway to the other side at which point they dam up the opening so as to create a reserve of water. At the count of three (1! 2! TTTHHHREEEE!) they unblock the entrance and roar down the tube very much like a waterslide.

If you happened to have walked your dog (oh.. say an exuberant black lab retriever that is so excitable he scares grown men just released from prison) to the pond where the tube opens out on the gully side, you may be surprised and more than a little scared to hear shrieks that seem as if someone is being murdered right there inside the tube. But if you're a gully regular you'll know the screams are a bunch of over-excited teens 'shooting the tube.'

After nigh onto hundreds of gully visits, despite a two year stint in Brooklyn, Max knows this too and likes nothing better than to anxiously wait at the end of the tube for the grand arrival of the serious current of water carrying whichever teens are screaming their way from one side of the tube to the other... and then - he makes his move: