Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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And To The Astonishment Of All Who Knew Her She Kept Jogging

I am still jogging! But please, knock on wood before you fuck up my newfound (tacos) fitness routine. I'm doing so (burritos) well! And for God's sake! Can someone email me the name of a good sports bra? Thus far in this hilarious endeavor (Skittles) at healthy living (nachos) I'm wearing two (two!) hideous suckers to strap these bad boys down and that just ain't cutting it. I need some (Doritos) support, people!

My bedmate is in Alabama. Mingling with the hottest of all Marah fans, Ms. Barbarella. Think Angelina Jolie, but hotter, if such a woman exists. Uh, still waiting on the affirmative for our threesome, Babs. The delay in response is becoming awkward.

Also, I'm very pleased to discover my best girls The Shalitas are using one of my photographs for the cover (the cover!) of their upcoming EP, Born A Shalita. It's naughty. The photograph, not the EP. But knowing The Shalitas and having participated with them in a libidinous night or thirty, naughtiness is likely deeply entrenched in a few of their songs as well.

Very exciting things are underway! Slowly, but surely, good things are happening. I think this coming year of my life is going to be unbelievable. I'm proud of myself. All the cliched learning not to sweat the small stuff, letting go of what I can't control, feeling comfortable being myself, no more apologizing. Except to Serge when I slam doors and tell him to fuck himself in a glorious display of my stunning penchant for PMS hysterics.

I'm terribly proud of my husband, our improved communication and desire to be together know matter what fate, that whore, throws our way. Growing closer to my beloved rockboy and contemplating the right time to get knocked up is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing right now. Motherhood is on the horizon and I am so looking forward to the entire experience. I'm crazy in love with that idiot, so much that I'm even willing to overlook the fact that Lewis & Clark: The Journey discs 1 and 2 just arrived via Netflix. That's it, bastard, you're cut off from the queue. Now quit basking in the glow of sexy Marah fans and come home already! I have a very big surprise for you!