Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Should I Let Her Bang Me?

For some time now I've been considering bangs. Planes could take off and land on my forehead yet instead of covering the expanse I persist with the long bangs thing. I've just always subscribed to the theory that short bangs increase the likelihood of a bad hair day and really, when you're still dealing with post-baby bread dough skin, nipple hair longer and darker than Clark Gable's mustache and the feet of ten crows at the corners of your eyes a bad hair day is the last thing you need. Entertaining the notion of bangs seems like such a frivolous fish to fry when you've got encroaching nipple hair stealthily winning the boob battle.

Also, I have naturally curly hair and short bangs need to be on the straight side. I think so anyway, but what do I know, I've had the same hairstyle since I was ten.

But two things happened this week that make me feel like God wants me to have bangs. Which, by the way, is such an ugly word. Bangs. BANGS. BLAAAAAH. I like the way the Brits say fringe. Shall I have my stylist cut a fringe?

So the two things.

The first one happened on Saturday. Ever since the Money Makeover I've refused to get my hair did. No color fo' shizzle but I haven't even cut it either. Mostly because I haven't had time and now I need a damn babysitter just to get a haircut and Oh My God that means I'll have to pay the babysitter and the stylist and that's just WAY too much and so I stopped thinking about it altogether which resulted in my not washing my hair for pretty much the whole of October. But on Saturday I got a mailer from Landis, the place I go to get my hair did and they're all WE MISS YOU AND WANT YOU BACK! HERE! TAKE THIS COUPON FOR 25% OFF AND COME BACK! THE ECONOMY HAS GONE TO SHIT AND NOBODY IS GETTING HAIR DID SO PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, COME BAAACK!

Offer expires October 31, 2009.

I probably would've ignored the coupon but yesterday I went to dinner at a friend's house and she had a friend there and both women had these short, sassy hairdos with awesome bangs and I just felt like a creepy, old polygamist wife sitting there with my big, draggy hair. Not a fun, flippy Big Love polygamist wife either. I'm talking, like, a sixth or seventh wife who lives in a cabin in Southern Utah and wears home-made gingham dresses over flannel underwear so nobody but My Man can ever see my sexy, sinful ankles.

I am THIS CLOSE to taking Landis up on their 25% off offer and ordering my stylist to cut a fringe! But what if I hate it? And then there it is all the time flopping in my eyeballs and enraging me. So I'll probably have big, draggy polygamist hair for time and all eternity. Hellfire, I just don't know.