Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Not Ready To Let Go

I've spent the past two days shepherding a naked child around the house, praying to God she doesn't unleash her bowels on me. Violet has her first hardcore rash. Little bum cheeks redder than ripe tomatoes. So I'm trying to let as much air reach her tender lady parts as possible. Yes, I'm using Butt Paste and powder and all the appropriate rash accoutrement but those little cheeks are still flushed with rash and so air, lots and lots of air, is my last resort.

She's normally a very, good baby who doesn't cry unless she's hungry or tired. But this week? Oh my. When I'm relieved to head to the madness that is the newsroom then I know I've had a tough morning. Honest to God, when Serge gets home around one in the afternoon and we do The Violet Shuffle it feels like it must be ten o'clock and a long, hard day is behind me. I'm ready for a stiff one and bed. A stiff drink that is.

Sorry Serge.

We've never been apart from Violet for more than the hours we spend at our respective jobs or the time Serge spends fishing. It's probably time to get out more without V but we just haven't got around to it. We have a routine and we stick with it. Calling in a babysitter on the weekends would throw a wrench into our works. Or else we're making excuses because we don't want to leave our girl. Anyway. My mom had Violet down at her house last night. Violet had a rough day and she was finally asleep, her rashy ass saluting the moon so my mom offered to let her spend the night. I called Serge to share the option but we both just kind of lapsed into silence and then Serge said he'd rather be drunk in Vegas than just sitting around the house without Violet. He said he'd need to be liquored up to face the prospect of a night without our best gal. I agreed. We wanted Violet home. With us. Where she belongs. So after I got off work, at ten o'clock at night, we schlepped all the way down to my mom's house, about a 45 minute drive, to get our baby. We aren't ready to spend a night without her.

In completely unrelated news, yesterday I was all sorts of hot and bothered over the amount of money I've saved by sticking with brown tresses.
ME: Can you believe I haven't colored my hair since Violet's been alive?
SERGE: Really? You haven't colored your hair at all this year?
ME: Nope! Think of all the money I've saved!
SERGE: Basically you're telling me you've shit your pants more times than you've colored your hair this year?
ME: I guess that's another way of looking at it.