Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Diet Cokeless

Aw, damn. I knew this day would come. I sensed it deep, down in dark places. It couldn't go on forever, this love affair with Diet Coke.

But it has nothing in it! Swear to God. Check the side of the can! It's all, like, zero! ZERO! How can it even be a thing if there's nothing in it? And so, with visions of a slender me, I glugged myself a veritable swimming pool of Diet Coke... Last month, last year and most of the last decade.

But y'know, Diet Coke is expensive. And bad for you, I guess. I mean, I've heard that highway patrol troopers use it to clean blood off freeways after bad accidents, but still, it has NOTHING in it! Which means I can drink cases of that shit, yeah?

Alas, it is over. Mama's relations with Diet Coke have come to an end. Or I will be decreasing my consumption throughout February with hopes of a Diet Coke-free March. I mean, seriously people, we're tanking through something like two cases a week over here. Now, I can't speak for Serge but without my lips constantly wrapped around a can of The Dark Lord I'm hopefully cutting our consumption in half which means cutting dollars spent and I guess a healthier, angrier me. So, here's to health... and anger.