Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
You can also find Monica's writing here:
« The Hot And Frothy God Fearin' Patriot Blues | Main | Starting Her Young »

Don't Make Meg Cry!

I've meaning to introduce you to Meg. She and I are both producers at FOX in Salt Lake City. We were both pregnant at the same time so her daughter Scarlett is a month younger than Violet.

Beaver and Turtle

I generally try to assume that people at work do not read this blog. It's just easier that way, you know? I know for certain my boss reads it nearly every day, which, oh my God, what if you knew your boss, who you very much respect, read your blog every day? I think most coworkers are aware of the blog but I don't think they read it much. Dude, if I knew a coworker had a juicy blog I would be all over it every day. But that's me.

A couple months ago I became aware that Meg reads the blog every day. Loves it, even. She's funny as hell, makes me feel like a celebrity, within the confines of my cubicle walls, anyway. She'll talk to me about stuff I've written as if it's the most amazing thing she's ever read. Mark Twain? Meh. Did you read that thing about zits Monica wrote the other day? You guys, isn't that the cutest? My own little fan club of one!

Last week, after talking about it for months we finally had our first play date and I got a chance to snap lots of photos of Meg and her beautiful little Scarlett.

Meg's husband was there too. He's actually a rocket scientist. Like, you know when something is really easy people say "it's not rocket science." He's actually doing rocket science type things every day. His coworkers even call him Beaker at work. If you don't know who Beaker is you should be ashamed of yourself.

Meg met Beaker at a high school dance when they were ridiculously young. Like fifteen years old or something. Isn't that annoyingly sweet? Also? They were wearing spandex. She told me this the other day and I spent some time wondering why Beaker The Rocket Scientist was wearing spandex at fifteen before she clarified that it was a Halloween dance. Um, Meg? Isn't that a detail you might have mentioned? But that's just Meg.
Oh! One more thing. Meg gets really upset whenever she reads the mean comments some people leave on the blog. One time she cried, even. Seriously!

A month ago I acquired a new stalker, some hateful weirdo, you know how it goes. There was something about how I should put a bullet in my dog's head and kick it into a ditch like I did with my abortion. There was also this gem:
So you HAVE been gangraped before! I had a feeling that was the case. Is that where the abortion came from? Oh no, thats right- you already shat out the gangrape baby. And you know famous people!! you are so special. Was it Ice Cube and his crew that busted into that shit like the KoolAid Pitcher? It doesn't look like a mud race baby in the photos. Your writing is neither edgy nor hip. It is sad to see that you have no talent for story arc, syntax, diction, or proper and effective use of denouement. Your style is pedantic, and your stories are so greatly hampered by your ego and desire to come off as some sort of arbiter of cool that it all ends up as second rate Pahlanuik- and that is a compliment. Give it up before you hurt yourself. Fuckitty Bye Now!! (Big Julie Andrews smile included with exeunt)

I wasn't too upset about my improper and ineffective use of denouement but the realization that I was not the arbiter of cool was a blow. I managed to keep it together but Meg got all teary because, bless her heart, she isn't as familiar with the internet as I am. She was absolutely devastated that someone would say such things to me. Meg was stomping around the newsroom, pushing her sleeves up and grumbling about psychotic people and that I'm the most amazing person EVER and how dare anyone say such things to me because she will track them down and break their bones and stuff.

She was so upset and so serious I damn near wet myself I was laughing so hard. Seriously, you guys, Meg was crying. Sorry Meg, I had to tell 'em.

Isn't that sweet? Anyway, Meg, thanks for making me feel like a celebrity and The Greatest Writer In The World. You are the most adorable, charismatic, hilarious, inappropriate gal ever. A girl after my own heart. So don't leave mean comments because you just make this beautiful girl cry. And somewhere, an angel won't get its wings.

Reader Comments (32)

Aw, I want to be friends with Meg too! She rocks. And she's pretty and has cool style too. Oh, and a cute baby. Anyone who actually cries about another person's blog is just too sweet! I'm sure your comments section will now become a great big Meg lovefest...

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterchristine

Oh my God. I wish my babies were still so little and gorgeous. And I wish I was still a child photographer - I miss it even now, after ten years.
For those of you who love cute kids (and food), you must have a look at the My Daddy Cooks
It was set up by an English dad who lost his job, so became the primary carer for his 2 year old son Archie. For fun he started a video blog of him and Archie cooking together. It was meant for family and friends, but within about 2 weeks it just snowballed and he had subscribers from all over the world and is now starting to be invited to appear on daytime TV shows.
Archie is the star of the show and is very funny. I think my favourite is when they make “Bluebelly” and lemon drizzle cake and Archie mixes it all with his hands.

Incidentally some of you may be interested to read Nick's (the dad) bio as he talks about “Baby Led Weaning”,

Anyway enjoy Archie - and the recipes are pretty nice too, specially the Sticky Ribs!

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter(London) Amanda

Whoops, I forgot to set the link to open in a new page - Monica, could you fix it, as clicking it takes people away from your site.

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commenter(London) Amanda

well, now i feel famous! love you, monica! seriously people, she's lovely!

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeg

Go Meg! So cute. Scarlett is beautiful.

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAimee

Adorable post!!! I think it's so cute that Meg's daughters name is Scarlet and yours is Violet ;) colourful names!

Plus, I can't imagine getting such hurtful mean comments like that! People who write things like that are all kinds of crazy!

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarcastica

Suggest that Meg not scroll down onto the comments because we don't need anymore jaded people in this, here world~ we gots enough. I CANNOT FATHOM that someone would write that shit to you. That person is so obviously off their rocker that they should be monitored whilst on line, yo.

OK, I've got to go wash my eyes out after reading that attack. Kisses to those cute, cute toddlers!

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

So glad you have an amazing friend like Meg. Everyone needs someone who can see things in the same perspective.

I am amazed that you go on writing after such hateful comments. I love all you say and only wish I had the guts to write what you did without fear of being ridiculed! I figure someone that writes such things must go around every day hating themselves and life in general. What a jackass!

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJaimee

Can I just add that when I first looked at this blog entry, I saw the photos of Violet and Scarlet and went all broody, skipped to the bottom and posted the comment about the Archie cookery site.
Now I've been back and read the post, I apologise if my post seemed insensitive and irrelevant.
It's a great post Monica, and you are lucky to have found 2 such lovely friends for yourself and Violet. I hope they last a lifetime.
The friends I made when my children were tiny are still my closest and dearest friends over 20 years later. And even better than that, both my kids are still best friends with the very first friends they made.
Here's they are, then and now.

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

The commenter... one of the many instances when I wish humanity would go freaking extinct already because it's terrifying me out what the human mind is capable of.
Good thing your not letting it get to you! Well except for the denouement... gotta work on that one! tsk tsk...

Meg, sending love your way from California! You are radiant!

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlexandra E.

oops "terrifying me OUT?" well in my defense, I am not a native speaker. =)

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlexandra E.

Meg is absolutely luminous in the photo with her baby.

Alexandra, "terrifying me out" is my new favorite sentence. I plan to use it soon. I

It never ceases to amaze me how shitty people treat each other on the internet. On the flip side, I've met so many amazing virtual acquaintances as well. I try to let that balance out the bad.

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGemma

Yeah, Meg is very loyal that way. There was that trip to Chicago where she helped me finally get it through my head what a loser I was married to. Love ya Meg!

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMandy

And all those ...ooh big impressive words that miss snarky bitch used, to try to sound all important and intelligent is almost humorous. I can see her with her dictionary next to her as she typed away. LOOOSER! and the jealousy leaks all around her bullshit.

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermama

I have to admit that I remember the gang-rape comment and I found it off-putting. Considering the frightfully high number of women who will be sexually assaulted in their lifetimes, I find rape metaphors distasteful. Of course there are way of saying these sorts of things with tact. Like I did just there. Obviously the person who left that comment doesn't get that.

March 19, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie

I think you're missing the point. She was saying the months of January and February really did a number on her. To equate that with the victimization of women is absolutely ridiculous. The troll commenter wasn't put off by the gang rape comment, the troll is just completely out of their mind.

March 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Meg, you definitely rock! [ I know I use 'definitely' too much recently :) and can't help myself to stop ] anyway those two little girls are wonderful, congrates mamas! :) so good I missed that troll comment, so awful, hardly believe someone could write something like it, it's really gross even for my broken english...

March 20, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterana_jo

that mean person is just jealous of your awesomeness, monica! scarlett and meg are adorable!

March 20, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercdawnh

Those babies and their mommies are beautiful. Monica, I adore Megan as well. She is a very open loving person. She cares for people without judgement or prejudice. She sincerely feels for anyone who has been ridiculed or hurt by others. She does love to be "inappropriate". That has never changed and you just have to go with it. Trust me, as I have gotten older, it has become more funny. She doesn't impose her agenda or ideas on others and that is what makes it so funny. If you choose to get offended, I can absolutely verify that no harm was intended. She is sensitive and does get upset if others are truly nasty. She is a wonderful wife and mother. We love Beaker and Scarlett!!

March 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterETHETE

Damn, that's some scary stuff right there. I'm glad nobody reads mine.

March 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Domestic Goddess

good to have a friend that has your back :-)
this is quite nerdy, but i found it in another blog, it's a kind of glossary of internet personalities, or commenter personalities, i found it funny.

March 21, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteranother monica

"She was saying the months of January and February really did a number on her. To equate that with the victimization of women is absolutely ridiculous."

Sarah, I think you just made Stephanie's point for her.

I understand you like Monica - I do too - but when we think that people we like have made a mistake, it should be OK to point it out. Using rape as a metaphor is always a mistake. As was proven in the, say, 'journalistic integrity' debacle, I am sure Monica can handle that information.

March 21, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterL

I disagree with you L. Look up rape in the dictionary. It is also used when not referring to rape of a woman. It isn't always a mistake to use it as a metaphor. Even so, the world is too politically correct. Monica wasn't using the term in any way that victimizes women. Certainly you have a right to speak up if you're offended and Monica can likely take it although I've got to think she's rolling her eyes on this one. In this reader's opinion, some people need to relax.

March 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnon

Monica used it about the rape of a woman. Specifically, about an imagined gang-rape whereby the rapists high-fived each other before taking their turn, if I remember correctly. The fact that I remember this detail shows that it didn't just 'offend' me (as if 'taking offence' is something people do just to be pissy) but it actually disturbed, repulsed, and hurt me. As I'm sure it did to some (hopefully not all) other people (not just women), perhaps also ones who've been raped. (In the same way, making jokes about men being raped, either as 'punishment' or just because someone doesn't like them, hurts men who have been raped, in a way they really don't deserve.) And yes, I have spoken to several victims who have told me this. I don't need to look anything up in the dictionary, I don't need to relax, and I'm not sure why you, Anon, are being so confrontational when I have been trying to be polite and constructive.

March 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterL

Monica, I'm sorry to have gone on about this. For what it's worth, although I wish you hadn't said it, I don't think you meant it maliciously and am sure you wouldn't deliberately hurt anyone, least of all rape victims, and as such it would not, TO ME (although perhaps it would to others) have been worth making such a fuss about it. But the reaction from some of your commenters is really rather shocking to me. I don't see why anyone would want to defend someone's right to use a term after they've been told it hurts and upsets someone.

March 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterL

That is what kills me about a lot of the commenters on this blog. Here Monica writes a lovely post about a co-worker and people continue to harp on something that wasn't meant maliciously and you know it wasn't meant maliciously. I'm not being confrontational at all, just calling it as I see it.

March 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnon

wow! damn. I don't get this hater mentality. where do these people come from?! I'm totally with Meg about forcing some manners into them.

March 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnnie

On another note, Monica, I hope you have the IP address and all that stuff documented so you can report that whackjob to ... whoever one reports these things to. Think of what's her name, Kathy Sierra, and I'm sure there are lots of other people who are stalked/threatened online in a truly horrifying way. (Yes, you can see I'm really knowledgeable about this stuff. But anyway, the thought is there.)

March 22, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterL

Beaker! OMG hadn't thought of him in years. My sisters used to tease my college boyfriend and call him Beaker. Thanks for stirring up a good memory!

March 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSaffoula

Add me to the Megan love-fest - she sounds absolutely awesome. And Scarlett and Violet are beautiful babies!

And as far as the hater goes? Anyone with that much vitriol has gone past hating and moved into trolldom. They lack credibility and I don't even bother reading comments like that. An intelligent healthy debate is one thing but that troll has another agenda and I'm pretty sure we all know what it is. What a sad little person...

March 25, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkimtisha

Meg sounds like a truly wonderful friend. I am happy Violet has a playmate too. I wonder what dramas exist in the toddler realm that grown-ups don't know about....Does it all go down at the sand box? Are kids still allowed to play in sand boxes?

March 25, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAllison

Hello everybody, Happy April Fool's Day!!

"Hello there," said the vacuum cleaner salesman to the little girl who answered the door. "Would you like to buy a vacuum cleaner? Watch this!" Pushing his way into the house, the salesman proceeded to dump a pile of lint and coffee grounds out onto the shag carpet.
"If this vacuum doesn't clean this mess right up," he boasted with a big smile, "why I'll eat it right up."
At this, the little girl turned and left the room.
"Where you going, kid?" called the salesman. "To find your mom?"
"Nope," answered the little girl from the doorway, "I'm getting a plate and a spoon... 'cause we don't have any electricity!"

Happy April Fool's Day!

April 1, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAdriana

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>