Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
You can also find Monica's writing here:
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A complicated system of layering

If I took the time to list all the things I've eaten in the past couple days I would be typing until tomorrow. Frankly, that would take up valuable time I could spend eating and that would just be wrong.

What I'm laboring to impart here is that I'm eating a lot. Here is what happens: I'm sick all the time but I get even more sick if my stomach starts chewing acid, ya dig? It's a complicated system of layering food into my gullet and if the layers run too low the puke runs high. It's also nice to have something to puke because retching with no result is as bad as sex with no orgasm. Maybe worse. I forget what sex is like.

This is why I had to flee work this afternoon. I explained to co-workers it was a "Subway emergency" and got my ass to the nearest "sandwich artist" for a $5 foot long. Later I brewed a Cup'O'Noodle and most recently ate two granola bars quicker than you can say FAT ASS.


The morning constant sickness doesn't seem to be as bad this time around. I'm thinking because last time I had to come off that high falutin' anti-depressant when I found out I was pregnant and this time I just had to cut out all the beer drinking. Now, cutting out beer is a bitch, but coming off that anti-depressant was a motherfucker. Motherfucker times twenty. I was sweating, had the shakes, vertigo and it was pretty tough to distinguish withdrawal from morning sickness so the whole thing was one, big nightmare scenario.

That said, I still feel sick as hell but console myself that it seems a bit more manageable than that last go 'round. The worst of it is the guilt. I have no quality time with Violet. I am jealous of the time these two spend together. My mornings with Violet are spent willing down the vomit and setting her in front of her beloved Dora. She says Dora more than Mama.

Today I was industriously forcing Corn Flakes into my stomach, part of that scientific food layering I mentioned earlier, and stood up to put my bowl into the sink. Just as I was congratulating myself on a job well done, because surely I wouldn't be hungry for maybe a half hour, I felt the Corn Flakes make their move. There was no time, people. This is fire hose puke we're talking about here. I could put out two and maybe three alarmers.

The Corn Flakes wanted out.

I managed to swallow the first wave that crashed against the back of my teeth as I sprinted for the bathroom and that only served to completely disgust me, prompting an earth shaking gag that resulted in five minutes of emptying all my hard layering work into the bowl.

Don't ask if I pissed myself while puking because we both already know the answer to that, don't we?

Texts with Serge:

Do you want a Subway?

Sure. Chicken breast, spicy mustard, mayo, no pickles or onions. (Mind you I had just returned from my aforementioned "Subway Emergency" but that didn't stop me from ordering another.

No pickles? I thought you were pregnant?

No pickles. Ice cream sounds good though. Pick me up some mint chocolate chip, kay?

Reader Comments (10)

Is it too early to say congratulations? If not, CONGRATULATIONS!! If so, forget I said anything. Hope all goes well this time around.

July 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKim

Long time (I mean loooong time) reader, first time poster. Congratulations! Oh, and, if I'm reading between the lines correctly, I think we're due around the same time. This will be my first, and fuck if I'm not glad as hell to not be a sick as you! Sounds terrible. I'm riding the naush train hardcore, but I'm morally opposed to barfing, so there's been none of that yet.

Well, really, I just wanted to say congrats and that I'll be following closely to see how things are going for you. And here's to hoping that I can do it as well/stylishly/smartly as you and Serge have.

July 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterveedub

Monica, congrats!! Hugs and Kisses from Oregon!!

July 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNika

My god. I vividly remember one barf story of your Violet pregnancy, where you felt sick in the car and pulled over and grabbed (i think) grocery bags from the trunk? And then barfed into them and realized there was a giant hole in the bag and you were actually barfing into your lap? On your way to work?OMG, I remember thinking I wouldn't wish that on anyone. And I hate a lot of people.

it's all worth it, as you well know. Hang in there, and I love the updates,sorry to bring up previous horrors. Love your writing and sharing. Miss you when you go away!

July 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkds

try a bit ginger spice with orange juice or ginger tea, it helped me, and vegetables & friuts reach in vitamin B6... stay tune mama! :) greetings!

July 17, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterana_jo

Congrats! Well that's all I have to say by the wayof cool awesome blog. From a 15 guy Who is in the most confusing point of his life

July 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNathaniel tan

Sorry you're feeling sicky Monica, hope it passes soon and you enjoy the pregnancy.
To Nathaniel, above, it's a confusing time, this life business. I am sure if you need to talk, you will find happy listeners here. Stay strong.

July 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSM


July 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmelia

Wow!I hadn't checked in for awhile and I'm so happy for you! Hope you can stuff yourself to your heart's desire and keep it all down!
My computer pooped out on the video so I missed the best part but I read the comments and got the message.

July 20, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCristin

so glad you are back and congrats on being preggers....happy for you and your family

July 21, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkacy

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