Monica Bielanko
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Crazy Train In Action

So I swear to god I'm going to tell you this story tomorrow. But today I finally finished something I've wanted to do for a long time.

You know my dog Milo? The one we call Crazy Train? Pretty much since the day we brought the little nutter home we've talked about how his theme song is Ozzy's Crazy Train.

Every day Serge loads up Violet, Max and Milo and heads to the dog park. It's not so much a dog park as a dog forest, a dog nature preserve. It's a big place. Milo knows where he's going and cannot control himself because oh my god the park the dog park we're going to the dog park and I can't stop can't stop can't stop barking to tell you how so very happy I am about it! The closer we get to the park the insanity reaches fever pitch.

Thing is, it's not just when we're headed to the dog park. Every time we get in the car he thinks we're headed to the dog park. And absolutely loses his shit. And then Serge absolutely loses his shit and yells at Milo. And then I absolutely lose my shit and yell at Serge for yelling at Milo and the day is ruined and we all go home and sit in our rooms and hate each other.

Because Milo is so nuts the only time we take the dogs in the car is when we go to the park. Which reinforces Milo's belief that whenever he's in the car we're headed to the park and he flips out. So we can't really take the dogs in the car anywhere. Which is a total bummer because Max was such a great car dog. But Milo, well, he's our "special" dog.

I mean really, y'all, the dog is batshit insane.

To maintain our sanity during those seemingly endless ten minute trips to the dog park Serge purchased one of those horrible, creepy things people strap on their dogs' snooters to keep them from biting. Or barking, I guess. You know the ones. Like Hannibal Lecter or something.

Still, the little bastard has figured out how to bark around the thing. And sometimes he even manages to take it off.

Milo approaches everything in life the same way he approaches a drive to the park. Don't stop 'til you drop, man. Go, go, go! Sometimes he plays fetch so hard we're afraid his heart will explode right our of his little body.

This weekend I finally slapped together a video I've been wanting to make. An ode, if you will, to our little Crazy Train. We probably get a bigger kick out of it than y'all. I can see my mom shaking her head about what idiots we are over here making a video about our dog and watching it a billions times over and laughing until we pee every single time when some folks are out and about doing do-gooder type things. But what the hell. We're as nuts as Milo. And the video? It's just so... so... it's just so Milo.

To see the rest of The Girl Who movie reel click here.

Reader Comments (14)

i love this!

September 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteredwina

Love your blog but this is not funny.

September 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAssisi

aggggghHHH...I can't watch the video from Argentina!!!


I could have used the laugh....

September 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMari Y

HAHAHAHA I love cops, that shit is so white trash. I think in order to really appreciate this you have to be a dog owner or dog lover. I mean, c'mon he's a spaz, much like my dog. I LOVED IT!!! more more more...i was snort laughing

September 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmber

Aren't dogs carrying around sticks just the cutest thing? We tend to encourage that sort of behavior with our 'lil Edmund too. And oh man...the park. We're at the point now we have to spell out P-A-R-K -- he hasn't learned to spell (just yet). Love the video!

September 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjayna

Hey there... love your blog... I know you don't need dog training tips and tricks.... uh... you may be able to train your pup out of freaking out in the car with treat/lots of encouragement when he's quiet. You could continue to take him in and out of the car over and over & not go anywhere to take some of the excitement out of getting into the car. Then just drive around the block, take him out of the car, do that a few times... you could also try giving him a frozen kong to give him something else to do other than freak out (if he's food driven). Just a thought- one of my dogs spazzes out when she gets a bath so we're always trying to think of things to help her calm down.

September 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShauna (Fido & Wino)

Shit. I used to have a German Shepherd and would have to muzzle her as well. That panting and whining is enough for you take off the damn muzzle, only to have her start going crazy again at which point you are forced to muzzle her again. But really...I ask long can you take that PITIFUL whining/panting?? It's like you're killing them slowly. Lose/lose! Great video. Hilarious.

September 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Exactly! And half the time he paws off the muzzle anyway. Good thing the park is only ten minutes away.

And Shauna, thanks for the tips but believe me, we've tried it all. The little guy is just an over-excited, loves life kind of guy.

September 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Girl Who

H.O.L.Y. S.H.I.T.

I'm a new reader thanks to Katie G. I SWEAR TO GOD we have the exact clone of Milo except he's a blond. And we have the EXACT clone of Max. How about we trade you our blond for Max so I can have peace and you can have both nut jobs???

Just kidding. I love my babies.

But really, Shauna, I agree with THE GIRL WHO. We've paid professional trainers to deal with our dog and they have laughed and left our house. Some dogs are beyond control.

The video made me snort with laughter because I feel your pain. However, the video of Serge sing Phil Collins makes me calm and happy, so your videos counteract one another!

Keep 'em coming!

September 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelli

*singing...sorry, I'm a grammar freak.

September 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelli

Holy shit I'm dying over here! The Lecter mask is a riot. I really don't think you can truly appreciate this video unless you are an owner of a Lab....which I am. I've got the female version of Milo. She was such a crazy maniac she tore her ACL. She has had no choice but to take it easier since surgery. It is actually sad we have to walk her on a leash now. She misses chasing bunnies! Labs are the best...perpetual 2 year olds.

September 7, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTricia

@Kelli- "We've paid professional trainers to deal with our dog and they have laughed and left our house"- that made me laugh :)

September 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShauna (Fido & Wino)

Awesome! I was smiling the wole video too- Aren't dogs the best....
My chocolate rubi girl has chewed the arm rests in the back seat off my car from slc to midway without me hearing a thing. I do get in my own little world when I'm driving though. She learned after about 5 car rides with a muzzle. Haven't had to break it out for about 2 1/2 yrs. Chewing is definately different from barking. Good luck! I love seeing the pics of those big baby dogs of yours-

September 13, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdez

I haven't even watched the video yet and I'm laughing at the blog. You are too funny! Somehow stumbled upon your blog searching for "grillz for kids" for my friends kid who chipped her front tooth today, the day of her princess birthday party. So now she's going to be a "ghetto" princess and I suggested buying her a grill which then made me wonder if they made grillz for kids....I ended up here??? (On your grill) are freakin hilarious!! Gonna keep reading :)

Casey in Indy

September 18, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCasey

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