Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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A Difference of Opinion?

"Hey Violet!  Wanna go down the sliding board?"


"Weeee!  Look at Violet go down the sliding board!"

We were at the park with Violet yesterday.  One of the rare times when we can both go.  I, at 185 pounds, was lumbering around mostly spectating while Serge got in on the action. 

For the first ten minutes I ignored this sliding board  business he kept shouting.  But finally, after about the twentieth sliding board in fifteen minutes, I couldn't hold my tongue any longer.

"Dude.  What the hell is a sliding board?"

He rolled his eyes, like, huh? and pointed to the blue plastic slide parked in the sand. 

"Oh, yes.   You mean the SLIDE?" I asked.


"What?  There ain't no board about it.  It's a plastic slide."

The argument continued after we got home and he Googled sliding board and showed me about twenty photos of a regular old park slide.


"Well.  That's the dumbest term I ever heard.  Sliding board.  Please."

"I grew up on the East Coast.  You know, where the boats from England first landed.  My people invent things and use relevant terms.  You grew up here on the Wild Frontier that was developed hundreds of years later.  You just learn about the stuff we invent and still, you don't hear about it for years and years.  That's why you're still saying "sucker" and the rest of the world knows it's a "lollipop".  We're all laughing at you, you know."

Well then.

Reader Comments (24)

HAHAHAHA!!! Monica, I'm completely on your side on this one. It's "slide" and "sucker." Still, that shit is FUNNY!

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPinkie Bling

I've heard and occasionally used lollipop, but never in my entire 42 years have I heard the term "sliding board." Ever. It's always been a slide. When you were first talking about it, I was picturing Violet on an ironing board. I know, I don't get my mind either. And, yeah, I grew up here in the wild west too. Maybe, us westerners are just smart and shorten the terms. I'm laughing at the easterners for using longer syllable words.

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJill

Pfffft, I grew up in New England, where the language comes from and he's full of it.

PS: If you ever hear him refer to a "bubbler," that's a water fountain. That one threw me for a loop the first time I heard it.

PPS: You guys who say "pop?" You're all wrong. :P

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterSonja

I was born and raised in Massachusetts, where the actual pilgrims landed! I've never heard the term sliding board in my life. It's a SLIDE.

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJill

Ha!! "Well then."
We called it a 'sliding board' in central jersey. My mom bought a wooden one for use on the steps inside our house and we have that old sliding board down in the basement somewhere

About 20 years ago a native San Deigan asked me to pick him up a 'pop'.
NJ:"Wait, want a 'soda-pop'? ( just saying the words felt uncomfortable)
SD: Just a pop. what's the big deal?
NJ: Who even says that? It's like you're stuck in the 50s or before that even.
SD: Well that's we call it here. So get used to it. What do NJ hicks call it....Soda-water?"
NJ: What?! Soda water!!? It's called Coke or Pepsi!! Sprite!. By name.
SD: Gee, you are so unrefined, just like all of those tacky people back east with their Joisey accents.
NJ: yeah right... Soda- Pop and dungarees.

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Utahns call it "pop". We also say movie thee-ater. Since living in Brooklyn though I've switched to saying soda... I still accidentally say thee-ater sometimes.

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Girl Who

When the man's right, he's right.

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterStarsky

Haha! OMG, Jon from Jon and Kate always says sliding board, and I'm always lke, what the hell? You mean a SLIDE??

AND, suckers are flat, lollipops are spherical. Duh

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDani

I'm from Maryland about an hour south of Philly and ofcourse its a sliding board! I live in southeastern TN now and its so screwed up down here. My favorite one is when they call a knit hat a toboggan!!! They don't use the word soda at all, its simply Coke. Its insane I tell ya!

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterAnnette

I've always used slide or sliding board interchangeably... never occurred to me someone might find "sliding board" weird. :)

I did once hear someone call a see-saw a "teeter-totter." That one is definitely not right.

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterlydia

I'm from N.Y. originally and now Phila. It's still a slide, not sliding board...but pop? No way. It's soda.

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

slide slide slide. and it's a sucker...unless it's a sphere. then it's a lollipop. i'm from the hills of tn and don't call everything coke, but most of my family refers to all bubbly, sugary nonalcoholic beverages as coke. sometimes it's hard to know if someone is offering you a glass of goodness or a line of powder. i can deal with that better than calling all diapers pampers. that one drives me insane (in the membrane, insane in the brain).

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterjen

Yep, sliding board. Soda. Sneakers. At least I don't say wooder (water) anymore?

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterchristine

I grew up on Long Island, NY in the 1960's - and for some reason, we called it a sliding pond!

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenteranonymous

@Lydia Never used see-saw. Grew up saying teeter-totter!

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterTheGirlWho

Are you referring to a slippery dip?!

This is a case for "A Way With Words"! I was going to suggest that you submit your war of words but they've already addressed it (starts at 1:46):

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGreenInOC

As a fellow Philadelphian, I'm with Serge. Sorry. I don't mean it, it's just..well. That way.

And soda, not Pop. And hoagie, not hero or sub. And! See saw! And1 Sneakers. Don't get that Tennies stuff.

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Domestic Goddess

It's a sliding board.

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCinoda

Sliding board-- would have never guessed. I thought you were talking about a 'saucer' to slide down a snowy hill. Sliding board... pffft.

I love how people say things differently, but I resent being shamed into saying Soda when I had used Pop until age 11. Californians can be mean, sometimes.

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

i thought that sliding board was referring to a toboggan (not the knit hat - the slippery thing that flings you from point a to point b down a snowy hill). And up here, a hat's not called a toboggan, it's a toque. (hey, it's a canadian thing) but as dumb as that might sound, sliding board wins hands down over them all...serge is such a funny hoser sometimes, eh?

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterchristine from canada

I'm from England, and it's still a slide over there.

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterL

Sliding Pon! We called it that too. Maybe they actually saying Slide-Upon, and no one ever corrected us.
and Sneaks. Never Tennies or Tennis shoes.
Did they have Wallabees in Utah? Or is that just a 70s thing?

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Ohmy! I have NEVER laughed out loud so much over anything online. I was actually on the phone with a business while reading this & couldn't keep from laughing! I have never heard of sliding board and for some reason found this post hilarious!

January 31, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterPam

Must be a PA/MD thing 'cause I ALWAYS called it a sliding board. And, the word "sucker" is just nasty.

February 1, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterShannon

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