Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Wait, Wha? You Wanna Get With THIS?

I know I’m going to get a bunch of crap for saying this because it’s all the rage to be all about the pregnancy glow and all that but, girl, please. There is nothing sexy about being 9 months pregnant.

You can jabber about voluptuousness and the pregnancy glow until the cows come home and I will just tell you to talk to the hand.

I’ve been there and have never felt less sexy in my life. Massive weight gain, swollen appendages, raccoon face, hemorrhoids, leaky boobs, hairy legs, greasy hair, Doritos crumbs constantly jumbling around in the folds of my XXXXXL shirt… Oh, baby, yeah.
You like this, big boy?

Apparently a lot of creepy dudes wanna get with big ol' pregnant chicks. It's what I'm babbling about today.