Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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The Lamp Post Wins

I impaled myself on a lamp post today. And then I went in the house and cried while my kids sat in the car waiting to go to the park. It took me exactly 35 minutes to load them into to car, I fuck you not. Shoes, socks this one is loaded but then that one has a poopy diaper and that one is crying for a juice and this one needs this and I forgot that and more diapers...

I was on one of the last trips to the car when Milo made a dash outside. I grabbed his collar and started dragging him back inside and he did that sneaky-ass dog maneuver in which he tried to slip out of his collar so I gave it an extra hard crank and made the mistake of looking down at him.

Grave mistake.

I looked back up just in time to see a pole on the lamp post impale me in the chest. I'm talking totally clothes-lined. Like, you know how lamp posts sometimes have a little bar running across them, just under the light? Like this? It's that T part I ran into. I fell backward and nearly landed on my ass before quickly righting myself and looking around to make sure none of my neighbors saw me eat it.

As you can imagine, I needed a moment. It reminded me of this post from a friend's blog... Of course, running full-steam into a lamp post isn't exactly the same as falling down the stairs while holding your child, it's just that I was reminded that we're all moms doing our best, even if that includes nearly stabbing ourselves in the heart with the business end of a lamp post... If a lamp post can be said to have a business end, that is... Shut up! Lamp posts are dangerous bastards! Okay, okay... I'm a clumsy idiot. Leave it to me to find a way to injure myself on an innocent lamp post.

Ever injured yourself while in mom mode? What happened?

And so it is that this little Serge-less episode in our lives goes by. I need my fella, man. At this point I'll take his fan and everything. Ssssshhhh. Don't you dare tell him I said that, but we miss our pop.

Thank God for Skype.

Reader Comments (13)

Amen to Skype. Except Mark and I got nothing on Henry and Violet.

I hope the lamp post didn't do any damage.

October 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterCec

take it from the military wife with a 2 year old, skype is the best invention ever! Weather for the many many times daddy's away, or for all the nanas, omas, opas, aunties, aunts, and tantes that miss my little man!

October 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterDani

When Serge tours, is it in his contract that they have to find him a noisy fan that works on whatever electric current there is in that country?

October 3, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterkajey

I broke a toe once trying to keep my kid from crawling into poop.

October 3, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKatie

i cannot enumerate the number of times i have injured myself attempting to take my children someplace. klutzes unite.

as someone whose husband takes waaaaaay more business trips than i would prefer... yeah, you just do the best you can. he will be back before you know it. meantime, there is always wine. and xanax. wait, what did i just say?

October 4, 2011 | Unregistered Commenterrebecca

I stepped on the edge of a sidewalk with a hidden drop off, tried not to fall while carrying my 11 month old (and a pillow, oddly enough), and then my ankle snapped and we fell onto the sidewalk (in Feb. in Wisconsin, 8 hours' drive from home, the afternoon before a pharmacy school tour). My daughter got a little scrape and was really really upset, and we spent about 6 hours in the ER after an hour finding one the insurance would cover (we thought). Luckily a friend came with and there was a big children's play area. We toured the next day with me in a wheelchair. The day I got my cast on, the kiddo started walking...

October 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMarie

let's of my girls gave me a shiner with her perpetually wobbly bulbous noggin..and right before Christmas of course..thank God it was so hard though cause she bounced that thing off everything the first few years :) she's 7 and pretty and brilliant and funny now so no damage that we know of :) military family here so I totally get how you're feeling with S glimmer though..absence truly does make the heart grow fonder..WORD..

p.s. shout out 3 was beautiful..its nice to have a partner in this crazy jacked up world we live in..ya'll are talented, committed and hello hot together ;) revel in many more years.....

October 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJenn

I don't wanna say don't feel bad. I know that must have taken the wind out of you, and it IS scary what with the kids in the car and everything. Once, while walking along the sidewalk, smiling and talking,.i walked side-faced into a parking meter. Knocked me square in the jaw like a brass knuckle out of nowhere and I will never forget the shock and pain as long as I live. I stood there crying with my face in his chest and could feel his chest heaving as he and my friends tried to hold back the laughter. It still hurts. Another time, Monica, I was working in a bakery and walked into a wall with a long pan of crumb cake. The impact shoved that pan so hard into my abdomen that I ruptured an ovarian cyst, blew up like a muffin and had to be carried out of there by my bf and wound up in the hospital for 3 days. Sorry you were hurt. Hope your fella gets back home soon!!

October 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGina

Happy Anni to you and The Surge! I watched your montage.... good God, it made me realize I've been reading your blog for nearly the entire time. It's still the first one I look at when I go on line-

Mazel tov!

October 4, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Happy Anniversary! I left the cupboard door open in the hallway then a minute later walked back down the hallway looking down & hit my head so hard it dropped me to my knees. My hubby watched the whole thing & asked if I learned my lesson about leaving cupboard doors open (after he stopped giggling). The answer would be, no I have not learned my lesson. lol

October 5, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterBrandi

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These are adorable! I love when you do paper crafts. Your ideas are so simple and cute. I'm bummed I didn't make it to ALT Summit. I would have loved to meet you.
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