Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Serge Shout-Out 4

I sat in a parking lot today and shoved a giant cheeseburger and an order of fries into my stupid face. Not because I was hungry but because I was at a loss for what else to do. My mother-in-law stopped by to babysit and I had a couple errands I meant to run but I just couldn't do it.

I have been alone with kids 24/7 for going on two weeks now and I guess I just wanted to be excited about something. A visit to AT&T to fix an ailing smartphone wasn't exactly doing it for me. Who wants to use a couple kid-free hours running bullshit errands? But I didn't know what else to do.

You're probably wondering why I didn't go on a beautiful job (jogs are never beautiful) or perhaps engage in some excellent arts and crafts (what?) but I could barely muster the will to get out of bed this morning AT 6AM when Violet began her chitter chatter so cut me some slack already, wouldja? So yeah, I thought a rare jaunt through the Dairy Queen drive-thru might do the trick. It didn't. Yet I crammed that burger and fries into my gullet as if I were threatened at gunpoint anyway because that's how I roll. I cram food into my body even when I don't want it. This doesn't bode well for my future physique.

I just happened to be watching Entertainment Tonight while writing this and Oprah told the outrageously perky, young interviewer her guilty pleasure is "eating truffle pizza on a yacht." My guilty pleasure is snarfing a number two combo meal from Dairy Queen in my dirty, toy littered car even when it isn't a pleasure and Oprah enjoys a truffle pizza on a yacht.

I mentioned that we have a bar in our house. 'Tis true. What once was the "mud room" is now a bar designed by he who is famous for his "Pan Creations". It's still a work in progress but tonight's shout out to Serge begins in the bar while Louis Armstrong spins on the turntable.

Listening to Louis Armstrong or Frank Sinatra on a record player will improve your life, it truly will. I put a record on every night during dinner and it changes up the mood like nobody's business. A turntable and the right lighting can transform a dreary, rainy night into a festive fiesta in no time.