Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Sleepless In Salt Lake City

Despite the legions of well-meaning yet extremely annoying people who advise pregnant women to "sleep while you can", as if sleep is something you can stock up on at Costco, I forgot what it’s like to not never - no never - get more than three hours of sleep in a row. In fact, three consecutive hours is a glorious gift from God. I’d take three hours of sleep over three hours with Jake Gyllenhaal. And Jake, he’s my freebie, you know? So if Jake ever wants to get with me my husband has to be okay with it.
I'm on the edge, people. Don't fuck with the sleepless mother of a newborn. I will cut a bitch. It's what I'm babbling about today.