Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
You can also find Monica's writing here:
« The Small Moments | Main | Can I Trouble You For 30 Seconds Of Your Time? »

Found Something Interesting...

Uncle Dave: Found something interesting...

Violet: A squirrel! A squirrel! He's sleeping!

Me: That's not a squirrel. And he isn't sleeping.

Fast forward several hours:

Serge, standing alongside our vehicle which is pulled to the side of a country road, trying to act nonchalant as cars whiz past. We are trying to ditch a body, you see. Yet each time Serge walks to the back of the SUV to pull said body out of the trunk another car passes. It's in our best interest to get the body out of our vehicle though because the body is that of the skunk that slunk onto our porch and passed away.

We were all hanging out on our front porch when Uncle Dave wandered around the corner with Violet and "found something interesting". A skunk nestled in our flower bed. Poor little guy. We're not sure what happened. We weren't sure how to dispose of the lil fella either. Serge wanted to roll him up in carpet and put a dollar bill in his mouth. Something about the mafia and fuck you money, I'm not sure.

In the end we nixed playing mafia, opting instead to carefully place the skunk in a garbage bag, drive him to a nearby canyon and place him respectfully near the river. But, have you ever tried to ditch a dead skunk body in a canyon? Thought so. It's kind of awkward. Especially when the canyon is fairly busy with folks coming and going.

At one point, just as he was reaching for the skunk sack, a car slowed and looked to be pulling over right behind us. Serge panicked, walked to Violet's window and actually said "Hey Violet, play it cool, play it cool, Daddy's trying to ditch a body, be cool, pretend to play with Daddy, that's right..." until the driver continued past.

Although I was sad for the skunk I couldn't help but laugh until I nearly wet myself while watching Serge try to get the skunk out of the sack. He's shimmying the sack this way and that but the skunk was hung up on a fold in the bag and refused to come out. Serge ended up doing a sort of dance, trying to shake the skunk out without touching it while simultaneously freezing up and trying to act nonchalant each time someone drove by. Keep driving... Nothing to see here... Just a dude trying to shake a dead skunk out of sack. Keep moving...

God, I should've recorded that. I didn't, but I did record this:

Of course I let Violet roam around in a t-shirt and diaper. That's what she wears to Walmart. We live in the country now, after all.

Reader Comments (5)

Violet is too precious, really. But the dead skunk made me sad. At the same time, he probably felt safe to die there. It still makes me sad because he looks so soft and furry and sweet and I love skunks, probably because of pepe le pew (I am french after all).
Also, thanks for opening comments on you hilarious sponsored posts! They're so freaking awesome.
Go back to your lovely kids! Life is beautiful isn't it?

August 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterMiss A

Snakes, skunks. Oh my. I thought we only had critters like that "out here in the West", I guess I always imagined the East Coast as being "full up" of people and very little wildlife. Thanks for sharing some truly interesting photos and stories about life in the country. Violet just may be the wildest wildlife though.

August 18, 2011 | Unregistered Commentertara

I love videos of Wylet. She's too cute.

August 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterJill

Holy Shit. I've been out of the loop with computer issues for six months and I didn't even realize you moved to Pennsylvania. Welcome back! We're glad to have you.
But this rain and thunder and crap is starting to get to me,

August 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterThe Domestic Goddess

hey! It's 'Flower'! ....AND a skunk. What a bittersweet shame. I mean it could have gone badly had he been alive and caught munching on flowers. He looks like he's sleeping. So dead skunks can't emit stank? Interesting. You'd think if he were dying he would have gone under the house or into the woods. It's like death caught him off-guard or something. THANK GOD HE DIDN"T go under the house! I wonder if your landlord uses pest control poison? I would ask. Violet is so cute. Lightens the whole scene right up. No big deal. Just a squirrel! I would have been less comfortable with the skunk than the snake. It's a nice close up anyway. I love the coming storm. The swing came out nice.

August 18, 2011 | Unregistered CommenterGina

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>