Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Surviving Thanksgiving

We will be spending Thanksgiving home at our house this year. Just me, Serge, Violet and Henry. And we're pretty excited about that. No family-related shenanigans, no hassle, no melodramatic tears - just us, a lot of food and a slew of movies to watch.

Thanksgiving is billed as some kind of wondrous family gathering of thankfulness that inspires warm and fuzzy feelings for all who participate. I’m here to say the only warm and fuzzy feelings I get on Thanksgiving are from that first shot from the bottle of hootch I keep stashed behind grandma’s macrame.

And while we’re talking about grandma, let’s just all go ahead and admit that most of our grandparents are still slightly racist. Using the adjective “slightly” is probably being a little generous, even.

Thanksgiving is the time we gather together, hold hands around a bounteous table of food and opine about that for which we’re most grateful. You know, grandma is thankful her stories still air on SOAPnet, grandpa appreciates the magnifying glass he uses to read the paper. Oh, and he’s also grateful for the election and the opportunity to get President Obama out of the White House and by the way, did you know the president isn’t even American, he wants you to know. His birth certificate is a forgery, just ask that hard-working young man, Donald Trump, he’ll tell you. A beautiful head of hair on that Donald Trump, grandpa says.

Click here to keep reading the reasons I'm NOT spending Thanksgiving with family this year.