Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Violet likes nothing more than to stand around staring at a bunch of cows. It's something we do on a daily basis 'round these parts as there are several cows we must bid good day to while on our afternoon walk. The cows you're seeing there live a few miles away over near Pop-Pop's house. He feeds them his grass clippings and if we're around we head on down with him to check out all the sexy, sexy cow action. I am telling you what, these cows can be miles across the field but when they see us pull up they run faster than Olympic sprinters. Which, well, it makes me feel bad for enjoying a burger every now and again so damn much. But I'll be damned if I can figure out what I'm supposed to eat. Meat is murder, one group says. I'm all about Paleo, all the cool kids seem to now be saying. Carbs are made from devil farts! And sugar! Eat them and you're going to hellllll!!!!

Eh. Who the hell knows? I miss the good, old days when I thought a granola bar was good for me and had no godly idea what a carbohydrate was. I mean, rice? Rice is bad? Rice? You're telling me a million diminutive Asians have it wrong? Hellfire, I don't know what to eat anymore.