Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
You can also find Monica's writing here:
« New Friends | Main | I'm Probably Going To Prison For This »

Thoughts. I Have Them

Oh, hi. I've spent the past three days moaning in my bed while curled in the fetal position and no, that is not meant to describe any kind of sexy time with Serge.

So sick.

Who gets the flu in June just days before a week long beach vacation they've been planning for months? This girl!

A couple things I've observed about television lo these past few days after watching hour after endless hour in my effort to forget the pain. THE PAIN. I'm probably dying. But wait. Thoughts. I have them: It's so much more tragic when good looking people die. I heard a reporter on Dateline say "they dismembered the couple and remember, this was a good looking couple." Because, you know, if the murderers had dismembered a really ugly couple it wouldn't be as tragic, might not even warrant an episode of Dateline because it's not sad when non-good looking people die. Also, avoid walking around in 'broad' daylight because that is when most people are kidnapped. As opposed to regular daylight. Especially if you aren't good looking because no one will care when you're gone.

Serge and I watched the first episode of The Bachelorette last week and I purposefully didn't watch it this week. So proud of myself! Watching that first episode was a kind of one-night stand and we all know that one-night stands are best left in the past. Much like calling a one-night stand for a second date, going in for episode two would be prolonging what I know to be nights of cringing and awkwardness that will ultimately end in dissatisfaction at the end of the season when I would look back and wonder why I wasted so much time on something I knew wouldn't end well. Moral: let one night stands be just that and don't get sucked into The Bachelorette, it can't end well even if it ends well.

If you're a parent who watches cartoons with your children, or pretends to while surreptitiously checking your phone, I highly recommend Little Bill. It's on Nick Jr and was created by Bill Cosby. The stories are based on his Little Bill book series, set in Philadelphia and feature Bill Jr. learning a lesson or moral. Unlike the jarring Dora and Diego whose loud and horrifying songs will worm into your head and eat your brain for days, Little Bill is about a real little boy living with his family (not the globetrotting Dora whose parents obviously deserve a visit from Child and Family Services) and the background music is smooth and jazzy, the perfect soundtrack for trying to catch a few extra Z's after pulling your toddler into bed in the morning and cranking on the cartoons. Not to mention Little Bill's mama is voiced by Phylicia Rashad who, in case you grew up on an island, played the velvety-toned Clair Huxtable on The Cosby Show. I just want Phylicia Rashad to pull me into her lap and rock me to sleep while telling me stories or even reading the phone book, is what I'm saying.

Finally, after feeling all down about dropping my gym routine I read this thing Serge wrote over on Babble and it was exactly what I needed. Especially when I'm about to wiggle into my first swimming suit of the season. It's my new favorite thing he's ever written. Society's conclusion about what is considered the ideal body for each era is so arbitrary and yet it causes most of us so much pain and self-hatred as we struggle to reach that ideal. Your body is beautiful because it's YOUR body and it's all you've got. So smack that ass and work it, y'all. I've got to go now. My joints aren't used to being in a sitting position. Tell me something funny. Make me laugh. Entertain me. I demand it.

Reader Comments (8)

You may be sick because you faked sickness in your most recent "training" video. That sometimes happens to me when I call in sick to work.....I end up getting sick for real and have to actually come to work sick:-) Hope you feel better and have a great vacation!

June 5, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkacy

I love Desiree and Brooks. Their date was magical and I'm pretty sure he's the guy. Too bad you're not watching. It's pretty entertaining this time around.

June 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCassie

Sorry you're sick! I hope you feel better soon. Here are a few things that made me laugh or entertained me in some way recently: (Neil's Puppet Dreams - Neil Patrick Harris gets abducted by aliens) (Neil's Puppet Dreams - Neil Patrick Harris in the doctor's office)

All the Neil's Puppet Dreams are awesome but those two are my favorite (just so you know they are not for kids!) (adorable little boy sings with his dad) (adorable kids play instruments and sing with their dad) (Samesies!) (It's not about the nail! A married couple tries to communicate)

June 5, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth B

Hope you feel better soon!!

We used to LOVE Little Bill for nap/"quiet" time. Oh, I miss those days in my dark afternoon bedroom, with Little Bill and Phylicia.

June 6, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterel-e-e

@Elizabeth - That "It's Not About The Nail" video is hilarious. Thanks for the links!

June 6, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterThe Girl Who...

Love the Samesies video above - watch it!!

June 7, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPam

I, too, want Mrs Huxtable to rock me to sleep while reading...anything, really.

Good God but I adored The Cosbies way back when!

Hope you're already feeling better...or completely back to normal. Colds in summer suck donkey's balls. Have a blast on your summer vacation, wheeee!

June 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPretzel Thief

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.
That's my favorite joke.

June 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKate

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>