Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
You can also find Monica's writing here:
« Moments That Make My Life | Main | A Few From The 4th »

Love of My Life

Imagine that someone is able to predict to you the exact day you will meet one of the great loves of your life. Intense, right? Somebody is able to specify the exact month, week or even the precise day on which you will behold the face of your true love. Chilling. Thrilling.


I drifted to sleep the night before running numbers in my head. Is it time? Would it show up? Should I do it?

The notion has receded to the back of my mind upon waking but, like a toddler placed on Time Out, it refuses to stay there. It follows me, tapping me on the shoulder as I slide Violet's feet into her pink Chuck Taylors, whispering in my ear as I buckle Henry into his car seat. By the time I am driving the kids to pre-school through the misty morning countryside it has, once again, gained my full attention.

The morning heats up as the sun climbs the sky yet I barely notice the beauty of the day; cows plodding toward their breakfast, horses galloping across dewy fields, wispy morning mist remnants wreathing the rolling green hills running alongside both sides of the road we travel each morning. Instead I run the numbers for the hundredth time like some kind of demented bookie calculating the odds. If I were then it would show up on the test.

Get a test!

Nah. I chide myself. You're setting yourself up for disappointment and do you really want to kick off this season of trying with a negative right out of the shoot? Just wait.

I decide to wait another day, just to be sure. On the way home from dropping off the kids I remind myself that I need to get some more pull-ups for Henry and hey...While I'm at the grocery store maaaybe I'll pick up a test but I won't take it for a few days. Or I'll at least wait until tomorrow.

After debating whether I would want to see two lines or a positive sign during the big reveal, I tuck the test under the other groceries in my cart. I've bought more than a few pregnancy tests and feel like an embarrassed high schooler every time; like the teenager I was when I bought my first box. I'm now a married mother of two children, a pack of pull-ups for my toddler are sitting right there next to the box of two tests, for crying out loud. Still, I wave my wedding ringed-finger around to make extra sure the cashier knows that all is good on my pregnancy testing homefront.

I drive home mentally berating myself for buying the test. It's going to be negative and then you're going to feel silly. But who's going to know? I reassure myself. Taking the test will be my little secret.

At home, in my bathroom, I attempt nonchalance in an effort to gird myself against the negative response I'm sure to see. I remind myself that I've always wanted a spring baby to avoid those first few months of being cramped inside to avoid the cold that I experienced when Violet and Henry were born. If this test shows up positive I'll have another winter baby. So there's that - the positive side of the negative I'm bracing for.

I don't have the patience to set the test on the counter and walk away while it does its thing, I just clutch it in my hand and stare, ready to stuff the big, fat negative into the plastic grocery sack and hide it in the garbage. And yet...Almost immediately I am gazing at the boldest blue plus sign that's ever appeared on any pregnancy test I've ever taken.

I look at myself in the mirror and burst into laughter. And I can't stop. The happy laughing stretches into a full minute as I stare at myself and giggle in wonder. Here we go again.


We drive to Target almost immediately. Grammy is picking up the kids from pre-school and they'll spend the afternoon at the library and the park so we have the entire afternoon to revel in our news. In between marveling at the way our lives have so drastically changed course in a single instant, we excitedly talk gender, names, bedroom logistics.

Learning you're pregnant with a third is different, at least for me. The first one is a complete mind-blower. Terrifying, even. The unknowns loom large. The second one is overwhelming in its own way because you're going from one to two. One is one but two?

This time feels different. Realizing number three has popped into existence and is headed our way this March (almost spring!) has been pure joy. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by all the details of pregnancy and parenting I feel calm and excited. Because I've been there done that as far as the whole what-car-seat/stroller-should-I-buy thing goes, I feel like I can focus more fully on the end result: the awesomeness that is welcoming a new person into your life forever. One more love of my life.

We roam around the store oohing and aahing at the tiny 0-3 month clothes. I want something I can hold. Something I can touch and feel that will tangibly mark the first footfalls of this life-altering journey. Something that doesn't feel frivolous, like the tiny Chuck Taylors we purchased when we learned Violet was on her way. Shoes we never even managed to get onto her itty bitty feet. I want something soft, cuddly and comforting. Something I know will be used every day and will become as familiar to this baby as our faces.

We settle on a soft, yellow blanket dotted with sweet giraffes, turtles, elephants and owls that I hope becomes The Blankie, the one clutched in dimpled hands and dragged around until the dimples melt away and a wistful Mama gently places this one in the box already containing big sister's pink polka-dot blanket and big brother's beloved Winnie the Pooh quilt.

Reader Comments (71)

Ahhhhh! I'm so excited for you all! Congrats!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKelli G.

Oh, my! YAY! Congratulations! I am SO excited for you guys...and excited to read all about it! Happy, happy day!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHanni

Awesome news ... Congratulations! I got emotional reading your good news {{ }} and cried some happy tears!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterPam

Wow congrats!!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChris

Congratulations!!! I'm so excited for you! I'm pregnant with my second (ten years later) and suddenly interested in baby blogs again, so I love that one of my favorites will be babyblogging. Yay!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRobin


July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCetta

Congratulations! So happy for you all!! xxoo

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKacy

Yay! Congratulations!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth B

That is just so awesome! So happy for all of you!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterChris C

Awwwww yeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!! :) :) :)

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAlexandra

OMG! Congrats! I was wondering why you didn't drink that virtual beer I tried to ply you with over the internet! Big hugs! xoxox

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSunny

Yay!!!! So excited for you Hun xx

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCrummy mummy

Thrilled for you guys! Congratulations!!!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSara

Such good news!! Wish you would have recorded when you told the kids!!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBonnielee

So goddamn excited for you! Yay!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGemma Hartley


July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKrystan

So, so much happiness; so, so beautifully portrayed in those words.

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJess

If anyone should bring more creatures into the world it is you two.
I am so happy for you both.
xoxoox Richelle

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRichelle

Congratulations guys!!!!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJulie

what a news! congratulation! :)

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranajo

Amazing! Congratulations!!!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCandice

Yay! That's so exciting. Congratulations!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLaurie


July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterStarsky


July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAnjanette Behunin

Wonderful! 3's a great number! Enjoy! Have a Fun Pregnancy!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNatalie De Souza

Hey congrats!!! I was so excited reading this post, all the best for the next few months, hope we see lots of photos.

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBelinda

Excited for you guys! Congratulations!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJanet

Congrats! Your happy news is giving me baby fever for my own number three! Enjoy this wonderful and precious time. :)

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJen

Congrats! We have 3 kids too. They are all so different....and the 3rd one? Such a joy. That is how I describe him to people. A joy.

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

Congratulations! I've been following your blog since the fire and just love your writing style and honest approach to blogging. Very happy for you guys!

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterjck

Congratulations! So very, very happy for you and your family!! Maybe this will be the easy pregnancy. (:

July 10, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkds

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! I'm very happy for you all!

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSerena from Italy

Wonderful news!! Congratulations! Beautiful post, too.

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterel-e-e

Congratulations to you and your beautiful family! Wishing you all the very best!!! xo

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterchristine from canada

Congratulations!!! Been a reader for about 2.5 years and can't wait to read all the exciting things to come. Love to read about you and your family, you seem like great people that I would love to be friends with "in real life."

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

Congrats. This is absolutely beautiful. I hope its a healthy pregnancy and so much more exciting sibling fun to come (I'm the oldest of three but can't decided if I want 1 more 2 more- I have 1 little girl- reading this of course makes me way to ready to get going : ). Wishing you the best it really sounds like the past few years have helped you come far to meet this new love.

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJan

Congratulations, so much!

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKim Q

I have 2, and when I thought about a third, one major factor in the Pro column was the amount of love I feel for my 2, and how could I NOT want that for a 3rd? We didn't decide to go ahead, but that was due to other factors.
I wish you a calm, easy pregnancy, and a beautiful healthy baby!

Congratulations to all of you! So exciting!

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterDiary of Why

I am happy for you. I didn't think you guys were actually going for it. Congratulations. Three kids! Holy Shit.

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKristen

Congratulations! My first was a March baby and it really is a lovely time to have a baby. Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy!

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterLeora

Congratulations! Wishing you an easy and joyful pregnancy!

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

Congratulations Monica and Serge! I've been waiting for this news since you made clear you were leaning towards having a third. Thrilled for you all! And I echo so many others -- I hope this is an easy, smooth-sailing pregnancy!

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterKristin

Congratulations!!! How wonderful!

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJenG

YAY! ---> Congrats! So happy for you all! Maybe the little one will come on my birthday...March 12th.

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterCassandra


July 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda

Congrats! What great news.

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBetts


July 11, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTracey

Thoroughly thrilled for you!!!!! Nice way to "wind up" your story "pitch". Great HOME RUN!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. XOXO ali

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterniobe19

i love this journey of yours and the fact that you share it with the world. Very excited at your latest bundle of newsy. Absolutely over=joyed for you as if you were my own sister. God bless that little life within.

July 11, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergina

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>