Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Put Down Your Junk And Step Away From The iPhone

Guys. My sad, tiny pregnant brain is operating at full capacity just trying to churn out the shit I'm supposed to write at various places on the Internets in between retching bouts over the toilet. Today over on MamaPop I wrote about penises and the very complicated relationship women have with them.

I know, I know. They’re like pets to you fellas. You name them and stroke them and hold hands with them while watching TV/driving/sleeping/eating/reading but you’ve likely never had to look one in the eye. They can be nice, of course. Don’t get me wrong, they can be really nice but, for a lot of us, working with them is kind of like making friends with someone’s pet snake or lizard. At first you’re a little afraid because, let’s face it, they aren’t really all that cute, they’re actually kind of funny looking and take some getting used to. After a while, when you see it means you no harm you issue a few tentative strokes and when the homely little guy responds positively you pet him even more and pretty soon you’re like, “Aw, he looks weird but he can be a really sweet fella” so you pet him even more and he really likes it and you feel good that you’re making him so happy so you keep petting and then he gets so excited he tries to jump on your face and you have to slap him away. He gets mad, you get mad and so your strange relationship with your friend’s pet reptile continues.
If you'd like to place the above quote in its proper context, head on over and read 'Anthony Weiner Scandal Sets Chilling Sexting Precedent.' Once you're done reading the very worst that social media serves up renew your faith in humanity by reading the very best social media has to offer: Life, Death, Love and Loss in 140 Characters: It's Time To Look At Twitter In A New Light.

Don't mind me. I'll just be over here molesting this Egg McMuffin I'm going to puke up in the time it takes you to read both articles.