Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Standing at the Crossroads of the Rest of Our Lives

Tomorrow is the big day. We find out just who exactly has been playing bongos on my bladder these past few weeks. The bumps and thumps are big enough that I can feel them on the outside when I press a hand firmly on my belly, which is always reassuring, but the 20 week ultrasound is always the most reassuring of everything you experience during pregnancy. Especially when, like us, it's the only ultrasound you plan on having barring any unexpected complications.

A couple days ago someone left a comment on this post about how finding out the sex of this baby isn't really a cliffhanger. I get what they're saying; I have a girl and a boy already so anticipating the sex of this baby isn't really a white-knuckler. And while that's true and the fact that we really have no preference is also true, the anticipation I've experienced waiting to find out whether we're adding a boy or girl to this wild bunch is more than I experienced when pregnant with Violet or Henry.

Maybe because we kind of plan on this being our last child? I mean, we're smart enough to never say never but three has been the plan and we ain't spring chickens. Hell, we ain't even summer chickens so this is it for us - the final addition. So it's not that we have a preference, it's just that I feel like I'm standing at the crossroads of the rest of my life. Our lives. Tomorrow everything changes forever for all of us. One path leads to this whole other boy person. A new dynamic that will change everything in our family. Brothers. A boy that will be a man one day. Henry and his brother, just a couple years apart and, fingers crossed, best buddies. Violet will always be an only girl. Like me. I've envisioned a whole life around that scenario.

I've also envisioned a whole life around the opposite scenario. Sisters. Violet will have a sister, something I have always longed for as the only girl of four children. Sisters! A family dynamic both Serge and I have never experienced. Two girls! Two daughters to teach to be strong women, to raise with a powerful knowledge of equality and limitless possibility in life that was never imparted to me as a little girl.

Tomorrow we take the first steps down one of those roads. I'm on pins and needles here waiting to start the journey, to fit that last puzzle piece into our family.

I asked Violet to snap this shot of me at 20 weeks and I like how it turned out because it's exactly how the future appears on this last day of not knowing: blurry but filled with expectation, barely contained excitement, and hope.

Reader Comments (21)

Good luck!!!! I can't wait to find out what you're having either! Is that creepy? Please update us all as soon as you can!

October 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Quam

Thank you! Not creepy at all. And I can out-creepy you any day of the week, just ask my husband's ex-girlfriend. :)

October 14, 2013 | Registered CommenterMonica

Any chance it's one of each? That would be swell.

October 14, 2013 | Unregistered Commentercj

great post! I love this pic. yeap, I can't believie I"ve been here, through all this years, with Bielanko's :), just saying from time to time I've dreamt sitting with you and drinking beer Monica. best. fingers crossed for tomorrow.

October 14, 2013 | Unregistered Commenteranajo

Yes, let it be a Deuce !

October 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterUtah L

Just to clarify, my comment on it not being a cliffhanger wasn't meant to be a downer, just reassurance that either way it'll be great and someone will get a same-gender sibling. There are advantages to either sex. Congratulations! Enjoy your big reveal.

October 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNettie

@Nettie - I totally know what you meant and I didn't take it as a downer at all! :)

October 14, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTheGirlWho

OMG, so excited!!! I can't wait for you to let us know. I agree, this is huge and life changing! You look beautiful!!

October 14, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterkds

Ahh! Is that a new banner up there or am I just reading too much into it?! I see a little baby in blue. Been checking here all day to hear your good news - can't wait to read about how it all went! xo

October 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterBre

@Bre - You would be correct! New banner and that is most definitely the color blue!

October 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTheGirlWho

woo hoo baby blue!

October 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commentershuga

Why don't I see the new banner!! CONGRATS!!! How perfect. Now, onto the names......

October 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmanda Quam

awwww. congratulations. :)

October 15, 2013 | Unregistered Commenterrach

That's a cute way of announcing it. Congratulations on your baby boy! I was rooting for a boy because then your two boys would be close in age.

October 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterNettie

Oh, how cool! So, so excited for you all! Am anticipating reading all about it!!! :)

October 15, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHanni

The strange world we live in, a random woman you will never meet woke up in Omaha NE today and my first thought was oh boy today is the big day for the Bielankos! Wishing you all the best- feel strange I am so excited for you!

October 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterElizabeth

YAY brother for Violet and Henry!! Congrats you guys...I am the older sister to two younger brothers and I loved my family! You are gonna love it!!

October 16, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterSarah

The suspense is killing me!!!!! By the way, love the little crawling baby you have added to your banner!!! Cuteness personified. Good luck.

October 16, 2013 | Unregistered

Forgot to ASK:: DOES THE BLUE DIAPER MEAN A BOY????!!!!!!?????

October 16, 2013 | Unregistered


October 16, 2013 | Unregistered

A baby boy! WOW. A cuddly sweet little brother to love. Brothers. Two brothers calling Violet "sister:, I love it! Yay!!! I just figured out that I had the font enlarged on my computer and wound up with only 2/3 of your family visible Wow> So happy for you guys! I love the banner too. :) Congratulations!

October 16, 2013 | Unregistered Commentergina

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