Monica Bielanko
That's What She Said
Just A Junk Drawer Dream
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Stick A Fork In Me

I had a doctor appointment today. Incidentally, is it doctor's appointment or doctor appointment? I hear people say doctor's appointment but it isn't the doctor's appointment it's mine. And it can't be doctors appointment without the apostrophe because I'm only going to the one doctor, ya dig? Anyway - the appointment ended with me bawling on the thing with the plastic paper and stirrups. Am so tired, so sick of being sick, done with Braxton Hicks contractions, done puking, done waddling, done dealing with charlie horse cramps in these puny calves that can't support my weight, done being 170 FUCKING POUNDS (how sweetly naive is THIS idiot?. I want her out! I figured with all the action going on down there - constant contractions and pressure - well, I assumed I'd have dilated a bit more than I was last week.

Drum roll please...

Am still 1 cm dilated and 25% effaced. Translation for those not in the know: that sucks! Ain't much. Means I'm more than likely to go all the way to my due date when I'm already quite willing to borrow a crochet hook from my elderly neighbor and break my damn water myself.

I am awake constantly. Spent last night armpit deep in a TRUE LIFE marathon on M-TV. God bless the music-less music channel for once... helped me make it through a bad night. I may have stuck my head in the oven if I had to watch more of THE FRESH PRINCE on Nickelodeon. I mean, come on Nick! Mix it up a bit. There are all these classic sitcoms (ROSEANNE, FAMILY TIES, CHEERS) siting around collecting dust and you're still airing 900 episodes of THE FRESH PRINCE in a row with an episode of FULL HOUSE as a finale? Please. As much as I dig Carlton - he just can't get me all the way through an overnight of contractions like 9 solid hours of TRUE LIFE can. Got an eating disorder? Perhaps your parents embarrass you? Need anger management? Involved in a love triangle? I'm happy to watch your life unfold!

Speaking of M-TV, I watched THE REAL WORLD premiere the other night. How weird is it that two people from Salt Lake City are in the Brooklyn 'hood? However, other than missing New York City, watching THE REAL WORLD holds no appeal for me. I guess I'm getting old or something but its the same shit every year. Fight, make out, go to a bar, fight, make out... And finally, overcome small town homophobia to make friends with the gay house member with a heart of gold. I'll take a juicy murder on SNAPPED or FORENSIC FILES or an alcoholic on INTERVENTION over THE REAL WORLD any day.